Tom Brady Is Basically Begging To Come Back To The Patriots

First I will say no one fills the seats in a Zoom fundraiser award ceremony like Devin McCourty. I have never heard of the Uncornered Boston award but whatever it is DMac deserves it. Players like Devin are what separate the Patriots from the like, say, the Bucs.

After hearing from some favorite faces like Nike’s dad Bill Belichick, most universally loved person of all time Matt Slater and Jules–building his end of quarantine facial hair from the inside of an art museum, the greatest QB of all time jumped in the chat.

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When Tom Brady speaks, there’s usually no mis-interpreting his words. And between the amazing compliments I would have imprinted on my tombstone, all I heard was a silent cry from Tom Brady to return to New England.

“You mean a lot to our team.” -Tom Brady, 2020. Currently not on the same team as the person he is talking to. That ‘our’ was so genuine, came so naturally, and he didn’t even stumble after he said it. That’s conviction. That’s a Patriot For Life statement. 

Something deep in his eyes I could a glimpse of helplessness. The look in your ex boyfriends eyes after he spent 2 years acting gross enough to force you into breaking up with him instead of having to do it himself and then realizes he doesn’t even know how to cook scrambled eggs.

Making new friends is hard, gotta be even harder at 43 years old. Why do you think he had to bring Gronk with him? If you like being on the same team with Devin McCourty so much Tom why don’t you just do it already. Just void the trade and come back to us. Even looking at the screen showing up as “Tom Brady (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)” was a plea for help.

At this point I think 2020 is a pretty good excuse for anything, especially a trade reversal in this situation. If Tom Brady just came out saying sorry 2020 has been awful and I take responsibility in my part of creating a wave of events that have destroyed humanity so I would like to fix everything, we would brush it all under the rug and start the 3rd dynasty up again.

No one has made that part more clear than Robert Kraft. On this night where he told Devin McCourty he hopes he never leaves New England, Kraft said what everyone was thinking.

Sure sounds like Tom Brady is realizing he can’t live without us and that’s step 1 of winning your boyfriend back.


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