Morning (Afternoon) Wood: Save Your Relationship, Sleep in Different Rooms!

Mark J. Giannone

There are certain norms in life that we as people can’t pinpoint their origin or their reason for beginning, but they exist and we follow them. For instance, I have no idea when it became a thing to wrap a present for someone instead of just giving it to them as is, but that’s what people do. For the record I think that’s stupid too. What I’m about to do is open the door for people to question another one of the world’s biggest social norms. A sort of tradition that is as old as time, and probably dates back all the way to Adam and Eve. I am of course talking about sleeping in the same room as your significant other.

There’s too many different sleeping styles for you to expect to his the lottery and meet and guy or girl who sleeps the same way you do. My ex needed total darkness and silent while I need the TV on. She HATED the fan being on and I NEED it. I have zero doubt in my mind there are millions of couples out in the world that are sick of the way the person they’re with sleeps. How many of use have been shaken awake and heard “roll over you’re snoring”? I know I have, and nothing pisses me off more.

The solution literally could not be more simple. JUST SLEEP IN DIFFERENT ROOMS. Why the hell should people have to adjust what best puts them to sleep just to appease the person they are with. If you like to sleep butt ass naked standing straight up with a noose around your neck then you shouldn’t have to change cause your that makes your lady uncomfortable. Be your own you, people. Last time I checked you are not conscious when you’re alseep. So, why the fuck does it matter if your person is next to you or not?

Marriage sounds terrible to me to begin with. Everyday coming home from work seeing the same person doing the same shit. There’s no room for peace. No room for solitude. Everybody should be able to have their own space to escape with their thoughts. If you want to watch German piss porn you should be able to without fearing judgement.

I know there’s millions of women or are repulsed by their husband’s snoring and whatever other gross noises and smells come out of him while he’s sleeping. If he’s down the hall doing that she has nothing to be grossed out by.

This isn’t as a wild thought as some people are going to make it out to be. If more couple did this there would undoubtedly be less divorce and less heartbreak. If you don’t have to deal with something you don’t agree with night in and night out then you wont build up resentment for the person you are with. Then there won’t be that blow up fight because someone sneezed that same loud annoying way they always sneeze. I want everyone to know that it doesn’t mean you love the person any less, in fact it means you are more committed to your relationship working than all the other couple’s out there. Don’t you want the person you’re with to be happy? Don’t you want them to be well rested? So let them do what they need to do to sleep well at night.

Is this the ramblings of a young single bachelor who shutters to think of settling down with one person for the rest of his life? Probably. I will one thousand percent pitch this idea to the girl I choose to marry one day, and I fully expect her to shoot the idea down. People by nature are afraid to go against the grain of what the rest of society does. I’m here to say fuck what society says or does. Do what works for you in your relationship. My idea won’t work for everyone. There’s people who need their person with them to sleep well. If that’s what works for you then by all means do it. BUT if you’re tired of being kicked, having the blanket stolen, or clogging your ears with the pillow to muffle snoring then take that spare bedroom for yourself.

Don’t be silly folks. Take the necessary steps to better your relationship before you find yourself sending drunk texts at 2am begging to be taken back.

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