If You Can Tell Me How This Video Shows The Patriots Stealing Signals I Will Pay You $20 Million Dollars

Jay Glazer has a full chubb after getting the exclusive content this Sunday morning with the video footage that is in question in what absolutely no one is calling SpyGate II with the astonishing lack of creativity.

This is like a hot cocoa with extra marshmallows for Patriots haters this time of year. I am willing to bet at least 65% of people didn’t even watch the video before demanding the Patriots be docked two 1st round draft picks and $2 million bucks.

Before we get to the dialogue, I’d like to analyze the video footage. The 30 second clip shows a wide angle moment of the back of the Bengals sideline. Almost like it was taken by a 12 year old Browns fan who’s parents splurged $34 for Browns Bengals tickets in the loge section. There’s no use of the zoom feature, nothing that can’t be freely videotaped or photographed by any fan in the stadium trying to get a glimpse of what contributes to a storied franchise centered on disappointment and disfunction.

I don’t know much about how plays are called and signals are transferred but you’ve got to think NFL teams know 70,000 people and millions more on TV have access to viewing your sideline. I don’t want to go so far to assume the Bengals or Browns know something like this, which probably explains the dialogue.

If the Patriots were trying to use a Kraft Sports & Entertainment videographer, dubbed a “Patriots videographer” here, to gain intel on the Cincinnati Bengals, they key to their 2019-2020 playoff run, it certainly makes sense they would gain credentialed access, set up a tripod and openly film something everyone is allowed (unfortunately) to see.

Now onto the vicious confrontation between the Bengals security and the “Patriots” video team that was fully credentialed.

Bengals security: That’s why you were thinking you could take that?

Patriots videographer 1: I didn’t know.

BS: How did you not know?

PV 1: I didn’t know, I’m sorry. But I can delete this right here for you.

BS: (laughs) The damage is done, my friend.

PV 1: No, it isn’t. Because we can delete it..

Patriots videographer 2: Once it gets deleted by us, it’s gone.

PV 1: Once it’s gone, it’s gone. I can’t get that footage back. There’s no way I can get that footage back. I’m being honest with you. And I don’t have a computer to, like, even put it anywhere. Once this cards, that’s it.

BS: Yeah, I don’t see the advanced scout in any of this video they’re shooting.

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Sure, this guy probably deserves to be fired for even putting the Patriots in a position to become another media clown show and that’s probably why he’s visibly shitting his pants. Knowing you’re putting Bill Belichick in the position of having to answer a question about this is enough to clear out anyone’s internal organs.

But if that footage shown in the non-deleted clip that leaked to the entire world on Sunday morning is cheating, then I want everyone who has ever taken a picture or video of a teams sideline fined and punished. That’s right Debbie from the suburbs uploading a selfie to her public Facebook page with 4 likes. Take away her porcelain doll collection. The 1:33 video Creepy Uncle Steve took of the cheerleaders that was never publicly posted anywhere for some mysterious reason. Probably deserves more than a fine for that anyways.

I’ll be the first to step forward and take my punishment on the chin for the sheer amount of cheating I myself have been complicit in for more than 10 years as a devoted Patriots fan. For some it might have seemed like I was just trying to collect pixelated photos of Wes Welker sitting on the bench to add to my personal shrine or get a few new sporty but cute solo pics for my Hinge profile, but nope. Little did they know Bill Belichick and Robert Kraft have been outsourcing my content for intel for decades. Couldn’t have possibly won in 2014 without my help.





aliweitz for hopefully a few more sideline cheating pics if I can get tickets

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