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British Seagulls Getting Lit

 

NY Post “Dozens of drunk seagulls have been found on beaches in southwest England after scavenging alcohol, according to news reports. 

“The birds appear disoriented and confused and struggle to stand,” explained RSPCA vet David Couper. “We took some video of one of the birds who is staggering around and losing his balance just like a person would if they’d had too much to drink.”

DevonLive reports that one seagull “reeking of beer” vomited over firefighters sent to rescue it after it had fallen off a roof in Lyme Regis.”

First off. England has beaches? Is that a dumb American question? I know a pair Brits and those two just get after it in a kiddie pool while slugging the biggest glasses of gin I’ve ever seen in my life. I feel like England having beaches should be breaking news. Or at least Twitter treading.

Either way, this is why I love World Cup 2018. First off, love that the United States didn’t make the Cup. Can’t be brokenhearted by fake soccer patriotism when the US loses to some third world country if they never make the tourney in the first place.

Secondly, since USA is out, England is in as my squad this year. Fuck 1776, fuck the Boston tea party and fuck king George. That was like a million years ago. We’re good now. And also have you seen these Brit bastards rage?

 

That’s not the championship, that’s not even to get into the championship, that’s just a quarterfinal goal. Yup, love that. And now I come to find out even their birds are getting trashed? Yeah, I’m all in. The birds here in America suck. They just sit by your window at the ass crack of dawn, chirping and waking you up. England at 5 am, dead silent, you know why? Because all the birds in the UK are sleeping off a massive hangover from the night before.

This is a sad day for the American Eagle. Step your game up, you’re getting out hustled by British seagulls treating Tuesday afternoon like it’s MTV’s Spring Break.

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