Today was my birthday and listen, I don’t want to make today all about me. It’s just another day, slow Tuesday some might say but still my birthday. And on your birthday you get bombarded by the birthday wishes texts. From friends and family, happy birthday texts flying all day. Every time you open your text app it’s just balloons everywhere, unless you’re a broke boi and you have a droid.
So I think with all these well text, I might as well power ranking the happy birthday wishes I received from the Branded family. How I ranked these were based off timing (earlier in the day better, shows you really knew and didn’t just see an IG post or something) and also creativity.
Power Ranks in reverse order:
8. Walsh: “Happy birthday joe!” Unfortunately had to put Walsh 8th here. He beat James, Chavy and Kelsey timing wise but the big determining factors here were lower case ‘b’ and big time points off for lower case ‘j’. Just have to upper case the ‘J’ in Joe. In his defense Chuck Fletcher has his brain in a pretzel.
7. James: “Happy birthday Joe!” Great upper case use here. Ultimately there were two determining factors here. First the ‘b’. Talked about that with Walsh but the difference between 7 and 6 on this list comes down to one exclamation point. This is a time of joy and celebration, one isn’t enough.
6. Kelsey: “Happy birthday!!” Now I know what the chatter here is going to be. But Joe Kelsey didn’t even say your name. True and that weighed heavy on my mind but I like to think December 6th is like 9/11. If you bring it up everyone knows what you’re referring to.
5. Vince: “Happy birthday Mr. Joe. 53 looks great on you.” Vince taking the 5th spot purely due to timing. Second earliest to text, woke up in the morning with Joe on his mind. Have to respect that. Tries to crack an old joke here but everyone knows that like Hilary Duff, I look amazing at 35.
4. Jesse: “Bro. Happy birthday!!!!!!!” Third earliest to send the text and look at those exclamation points. 7??!?!?!?! Seven isn’t ‘hey I’m kind of excited.’ Seven means you may soon, if you haven’t already, creamed in your uncomfortably tight jeans.
3. Chavy: “Joe get in your bag tonight like Nadu would.” A little late to the party but love the creativity. Jeff Nadu has been on the hottest of heaters and to suggest my game flows like that of a true sexual deviant, that is the highest form of a compliment.
2. Ali: “Thanks Kevin. Joe is way too humble to announce it himself.” Ali also added a video link that I don’t feel the need to share but it was one of everyone wishing me a happy birthday in 2018 or 2019. Like the good old days. Any time you bring up nostalgic memories you’re moving up the power ranking. Ali aka one of the OGs, also making it clear that I am a top tier humble human. That has always been a given from day 1 but still nice to remind the masses.
1. Kevin: “1. Insane 2. Happy Birthday.” & also “Happy birthday to our fearless leader joseph.” I mean he nailed it. First off, two separate texts HOURS apart. Take notes people. Secondly, tossed out complaints to get the greater Branded group going. He knew just as Ali said, I’m too humble to say it. I’m not someone that’s going to make things about me and Kevin took it upon himself to make sure everyone got involved. True friend and leader.
Those are the rankings, only 364 days until next year. Love to see what this group does with a year to prepare for this moment and jump on the opportunity to climb the rankings in 2023!