Shock Waves Hit As Americans Learn Tattooed Rock Star Is Cheating On His Hot Wife With Another Hot Woman

Way more people than I’d expect seem to be surprised by the news that Adam Levine–a rich, attractive, lead singer of a band with tattoos–was just outed for cheating on his pregnant Victoria’s Secret supermodel wife. You guys are the reason Catfish is still an actively running show in 2022.

I mean this is a situation where if you told me Adam Levine was trending and gave me 3 guesses why I’d get it in 2. Right up there with Joe Biden offering him up in an agreement with Russia in exchange for Brittney Griner.


embarrassed I was involved w a man with this utter lack of remorse and respect. #greenscreen

♬ original sound – Sumner Stroh

The gist is that Instagram model (what is the official criteria to claim that?) Sumner Stroh came out and posted the above TikTok revealing DMs between her and Adam Levine where they basically just discuss how hot each other is. To be honest it’s exactly what I imagined a conversation between two alarmingly hot people to go.

Side note I am dying to know what was going on with the plane. Was it small? Turbulent? Filled with non-hot people?

For many, it seems being a Victoria’s Secret super model should preclude you from the normal people problem on being cheated on. What other point is there of being attractive to the opposite sex and being able to make money off of that if it’s not to find a hot, rich, loyal man?

People think that because it’s hard to believe there is something more a man could want than Behati Prinsloo.

Well, Behanti Prinsloo plus a moderately successful joint Tequila brand.

But nothing can dull the power of the IG model.

Sumner claims her hand was forced to reveal this information after their year affair had already ended because Adam Levine asked for her consent to name his unborn son after her. I really don’t blame Sumner for coming forward to the proper authorities because this behavior is is pre-crime. Cheating on your pregnant super model wife is one thing. If it can happen to Beyonce, you realize it can happen to anyone. But to DM your ex side piece asking if you can name your potential unborn baby with your super model wife who you cheated on after them? How did we give Maroon 5 so much power?

Adam Levine is so fucking cocky that they haven’t even done as much as a gender reveal and he’s outsourcing baby names to his ex girlfriends. It really makes me question if he is even the artist behind masterpieces like “Moves Like Jagger” and “She Will Be Loved”.

It feels like Adam Levine has been baiting us to cancel him. He’s been out there for this long without any major scandals, it was simply his time. Cancel culture strikes again.

It only took hours for the blame to shift to from Adam to the IG model, griping her apology to Adam Levine’s wife was not up to snuff.

It’s going to be a very awkward baby announcement. Sumner is a pretty cool name. I don’t think either of them are going to be able to resist a private acoustic performance of Sunday Morning.


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