We’re back. There’s hasn’t really been an actual announcement, but the OG Branded Sports Twitter is officially unbanned and with summer coming to an end I thought what better time to dive all the way back into the blogging/content game.
So last night before bed I’m scrolling through Twitter and I came across this…
Alfredo sauce shutting down a highway? That’s not something you see everyday. So it got me thinking, what are some of the best and worst reasons for a highway to be shutdown. Well, let’s find out. For these scenarios let’s just say you’re on the highway as one of these things happen and you can’t get off. So here we go, let’s start with the worst ways…
Weather
Yes, I’m including the whole category of weather. Rain, snow, sleet, mudslide, flood, earthquake, wildfire, etc you name a weather event and it’s included. A highway being shutdown due to weather fucking sucks. You can’t drive through flood water. You’ll slide all over with snow and ice. Only way you’re getting past a highway shutdown due to a fire is if you dukes and hazard that shit and even then you’re still probably not making it. Bottom line is getting stuck on a road somewhere due to weather blows.
All of your least favorite teachers ever:
Just imagine you’re driving along, you’re driving along and then boom. Out of nowhere pops up Dr. Schmieg from 10th grade math. She just walks right out in the middle of the highway cig in one hand, coffee in the other. But even worse she’s not alone. You see behind her every single teacher you have ever hated or has hated you. Not only did they stop you from enjoying your time in school because of their stupid rules and homework but now they’re stopping you from getting you where you need to be just to get under your skin one more time. If that’s not nightmare fuel I don’t know what is.
Bowser
Specifically, Bowser from the original Mario Superstrikers where he would just pop up mid game at the worst times. I’ve played enough Superstrikers in my day to know that I would be extremely pissed off if Bowser pulled this shit and shutdown the highway on my way home. Just imagine driving home jamming to some tunes on a Friday before a long weekend and BAM! Bowser jumps down from the sky starts blowing fire and causing havoc. Good luck getting by that without a scratch.
Now that we’ve covered the worst ways, lets get to some of the ways that you might not be too mad about if they shut down the highway…
Money
You’re cruisin along and all of a sudden everyone slams on their brakes and people start getting out of their cars. You’re first thought is clearly something bad is happening but it’s actually the opposite. Money is flying from out nowhere scattering all over the highway. I’m talking millions and millions of dollars. You join everyone else and put your car in park and go crab so cold hard cash. You’re not going to be upset getting home a little later with some extra cash in your pocket.
Beer
One of those big 18 wheelers has lost its precious cargo in the form of beer! Brand new full cases of beer have just spilled all over the highway and magically they are still secure in the cans/bottles. Yea sure, it takes you an extra two hours to get home but guess what? You snagged a couple of those cases and now you don’t have to buy beer for the first full weekend of College Football. You really going to be mad about that? Absolutely not because while you’re sitting there enjoying Ohio State vs Notre Dame enjoying one of those ice cold beers you’re going to remember it was free.
Midget Wrestling
Hear me out on this one…Yes first you’re probably going to be like WTF why is a midget wrestling show breaking out on the highway during rush hour? But then you’re going to be forced to stop and watch the show. I guarantee you after five minutes of watching two three foot tall people flying off the top rope you’re going to even forget you’re on the highway. Personally I have not had the chance to attend a Midget Wrestling show but I have heard they are absolutely electric and TBH if this were to happen on my way home from work I don’t think I’d be all that mad about it. So whoever is in charge of this stuff maybe start working this in somehow. Give me a pop up midget wrestling show in the middle of a highway stopping traffic.
So there you have some of the best and worst reason for a causing a highway to be shut down. Let me know what you guys think and make sure to follow me on Twitter @Keith_Walsh18
-Walsh