Episode 2 of Surviving Barstool and it doesn’t quite seem like anyone has found any loyalty in the bench. Feels like everyone is waiting for someone else to take charge of the game and make a big move. It’s a great strategy to have, but not great for reality television when everyone is playing that exact same way. That’s why you need to cast a few unhinged psychopaths with no self awareness, and I assume that’s why Steven Cheah is here.
I do owe Steven Cheah a sincere apology for spelling his name incorrectly multiple times over the course of yesterday’s recap and throughout history in general. As an Alison with one L it hurts me to have done this to the community of people whose name can be spelled multiple ways, but everyone knows spelling is the lowest form of human intelligence.
It also doesn’t give me any pleasure in saying that so far really only the guys have been playing this game. The episode starts with Rudy, Cheah, and Eddie celebrating Cheah’s first resume building move last night by convincing Tiko to cast a throwaway vote to Caroline. Although it did not earn him any points with Tiko and he does a horrible job keeping it under the radar so everyone already knows how diabolical Steven Cheah is willing to be on day 1.
I spent the first 6 or so of this episode minutes trying to figure out who was on Rudy’s shirt until I realized it was ‘The Aniston’ staring me directly in the eyeballs.
The next morning Cheah walks face first into an immunity clue and my mind is still reeling trying to figure it out. First thing that came to mind is that the clue is in the Dave Portnoy s*x tape but that’s not just sinning that is a federal crime that could put you in jail. Do you have to call Alex Stein for it? Date Marty Mush?
Steven Cheah then rips the clue into pieces and scatters it into different trash cans around the office as if this is the Patagonia offices on recycling day. If this were last season Trysta would have had the interns hodge podging it back together before noon.
In the daily challenge the contestants have to put on an inflatable fat suit that looks like its very cheaply made and run around the office searching for puzzle pieces. Would have never happened if I was on the show because a no fat suit clause is etched into any contract I would reasonably sign. I just can’t have that visual image of me on the Internet, it would be napalm for my personal brand and I’m woman enough to admit I’m not emotionally stable enough to handle the onslaught of perpetual fat jokes. I also would not be able to survive the daunting sweat situation inside of that polyester onesie.
The object of the challenge is to collect puzzle pieces scattered throughout the office while wearing the aforementioned fat suit. This is one of Dave’s most recurring dreams. It’s also Nick Turani’s, but for very different reasons. Having this janky ass puzzle and deciding they should do it on a tropical print tablecloth is an idea that only exists in Nick’s brain.
Caroline wins the immunity challenge and everyone unanimously seems to decide Kontent Kim is going home but feels really bad about it. No one wants to unjunk any sleep with Caroline in the Mattress Firm suite but Grace seems to be the only one with a good enough pitch to not get it due to her crippling anxiety about her snoring. It’s a very valid argument and Caroline obliges. Even Mattress Firm cannot unjunk a deviated septum.
Caroline picks Rudy and it’s worth it just to imply you slept with Rudy. Rudy is hot. I would be interested to know where Rudy comes from, his biggest passions and dreams, what he looks for in a life partner. I would also be interesting in hearing who he was thinking of voting off, but if it didn’t come up in conversation that would be fine too.
Petrified to draw attention to themselves, everyone waits for someone else to bring Kontent Kim’s name up so they don’t have to look like a piece of shit for saying you want to vote off the sweet mother figure.
Eddie tries to pull the crew from last week together to make a play for Grace, but she interrupts at the exact moment her name comes up and Eddie makes the executive decision to keep it easy this week. He has the guys and Jackie in his back pocket. No need to do the dirty work just yet. Switching it up on Grace at this point would put his name back in the mix, and this episode no one even discussed voting for any of the guys.
At the tribal ceremony ? we are reunited with Tiko who honestly looks cool as fuck in the Biz jersey and sunglasses. Steven Cheah has owned up to his game saving move last week (for Eddie) and Tiko tries to physically intimidate him by getting in his face and delivering a classic “Fuck you Steven Cheah!!”. I think deep down it kind of worked, but Cheah would never let you know it. His face can’t make any other shape than a pleasant relaxed smile.
All of the girls basically beg the guys to be a part of their alliance, including Caroline who is completely immune and Grace who they were considering voting off. All still not fully comprehending that they have control of the numbers if they could just agree to vote together. As a credit to Jackie, she seems generally aware that the girls are not the best alliance to commit to. She is not getting any heat for switching up on the vote for Tiko and betraying their alliance, but sadly this week it was her roomie Kontent Kim who was sent packing. Sometimes it’s better to do nothing than ruffle any more fat suits.
Alright after this episode everyone has to reveal their cards. There’s no more hiding behind the Oklahoma City Thunder or Tiko Texas’ cycle. I expect Eddie to make a big move, and I’m worried for Grace and Caroline. Rudy is the sleeper pick but I’m still paralyzed by the immunity clue.