This is such a delicate moment in time we are living in. Almost every day there’s a headline that reads like it can’t possibly be true, so while you clicked on this post thinking there is no way you can convince me Tom Brady, the greatest football player to ever walk planet Earth would stoop as low as appearing on a network TV show where contestants dress in elaborate costumes to disguise their identity and perform for a live audience which can only be described as pre-crime, you may want to stop here.
This theory picked up steam on the central intelligence platform for most conspiracy research, Reddit. Originally, a guy named Shane Metzler posted a joke Tweet to his 250 Twitter followers speculating that Tom Brady’s unexplained absence from Bucs camp was due to The Masked Singer taping.
He then took things to a fantasy football subreddit, where most NFL insiders and media outlets lurk for underground information on Matthew Berry.
u/CANN0NFIRE‘s independent research speaks for itself. Even Adam Schefter hasn’t put in this much effort since the early 2000’s.
Without any other major NFL storylines at the moment, every national sports program jumped at the opportunity to avoid discussing Deshaun Watson’s suspension in more detail.
Absolutely no one actually watches The Masked Singer. It’s a terrible show. But this would not be the first time an A list celebrity signed up. Lil Wayne once graced The Masked Singer stage, somehow they were able to even get Kermit the Frog to appear. In fact, the last time an NFL player retired, signed a deal with Fox Sports and then un-retired, they also were a Masked Singer staple (no spoilers).
Now I have a conspiracy theory about this theory.
At face value this was a wild day for Shane Metzler. Having your troll tweet go viral enough that it gets picked up by every major news network is a dream that very few see come to fruition.
If Tom Brady was quietly and mysteriously pulled away from training camp to get fitted for a taxidermy goat stage costume, learning choreography to ‘Let It Go’ and then revealed in front of Ken Jeong, he would have pulled off a victory greater than even Julian Edelman could believe in. Who would ever possibly guess that 7x Super Bowl champion & Hertz spokesperson Tom Brady would sign up for something so unentertaining?
But given that no one that watches The Masked Singer also watches NFL football, what good would that do for ratings? It would be a shocking moment on Twitter, sure, but no one would tune into the show. Fox needed someone like Shane Metzler to breadcrumb this theory on a niche subreddit to lure in our conspiracy theory lovin’ brains. The Masked Singer is going to break viewership records with these rumors swirling, whether Tom is actually on there or not.
Leaning into these rumors is only putting $$$$ in Nicole Scherzinger’s tight pockets. Nick Cannon had 3 kids since the last season filmed. Before this, celebrities would rather die than perform on the show. It needed a jolt.
Even Antonio Brown is in on the scheme. Why else would he criticize the only public figure to openly support him? If you said mental illness, well, I guess that’s the only other possibility.
We’ll have to wait until September 21st to find out because you know Tom is going to put his 20 years of experience in the Bill Belichick school of PR to use.
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