For the first time in decades it feels like the light is dimming on the Bachelor franchise. With the rise in popularity of therapy among men, likely largely due to influencer promotions for BetterHelp.com, this season of the Bachelorette has unfortunately been a little boring. Even with 2 Bachelorettes, the men continue to form genuine bonds and thus give us zero entertainment.
Right before hitting the operation table for an achilles injury, Reality Steve released a hit piece on this seasons unspoken Bachelor edit star Nate. Nate’s main storyline has been the fact that he has a child. It’s been a successful formula for this franchise over the years and to be honest it was working pretty well until this came out.
Basically Nate was doing what probably every guy cast on this show was doing prior to leaving for filming, with the exception of the one nicknamed “Meatball”.
I don’t think Bachelor producers care who viewers want to watch, because they could roll out an actual meatball and we’d still live tweet every episode. Also they previously cast Nick Viall and Pilot Pete which is proof enough.
Nevertheless, here are the options that I would consider if bearing the massive responsibility of casting a Bachelor lead.
Aven
Pros: Aven is extremely fucking hot and is currently on the latest season of The Bachelorette. This is usually a rock solid plan to become The Bachelor.
Cons: Seems way too good for this show. Likely going to spearhead the post-show guy gang trip to Stagecoach.
Jack Harlow
Jack Harlow would be perfect for The Bachelor. He seems really good at talking to girls, which is a pretty important part of the job.
Nathan Fielder
Nathan Fielder would also be perfect for The Bachelor. He seems really bad at talking to girls, which would be pretty entertaining to watch.
Man on Tik Tok Who Cooks With A Toothpick In And Looks Hot In A Kinda Creepy Way
I’m sure this guy has popped up on everyone’s Tik Tok page. He aggressively yet precisely cuts up vegetables in a very sexual way that makes me feel a little nervous. Does it all wearing a backwards hat and a toothpick. The toothpick storyline would be enough to carry an entire season of promo photoshoots and hashtags. The toothpick emoji would definitely be added to the end of the #TheBachelor graphic on Twitter. Feels like he could potentially become only the 2nd Bachelor to kill someone.
Does not own a shirt with sleeves, so the suit budget may get cut. Huge plus.
Steve Irwin’s Son
I recently left an episode of some show with Steve Irwin’s family on in the background while I was playing a game on my phone and ended up finishing the whole thing. The entire family still works with these crazy creatures–mostly land animals though it seemed. Anyways, the son was really charming and had such a sweet soul while orchestrating two Komodo dragons to fuck to avoid the threat of extinction. I think he’d be great as The Bachelor, maybe in a few years.
The Suns in 4 Guy
What’s the Suns in 4 Guy up to nowadays? I feel like it’s time we caught up with him. He doesn’t get to experience any happiness with the Suns, so he deserves some love. He has a good sense of the moment.
Bobby Flay
I just love Bobby Flay and want him to be happy. Guarantee the women would go absolutely rabid over him. I also just now realized there are 2 chefs on this list. They’ve been talking about doing a senior Bachelor for a while, and I could see him and Jesse Palmer smoking a cigar together. This is now my top choice.