Why Everyone Is Suddenly Saying “Zach Wilson Got That Dawg In Him”

Up until now, Zach Wilson has been known for being Mormon and having a crazy mom. Possibly even for this signature Chipotle meal. Certainly not for playing football.

So why has every straight man on your timeline today shared an X ray with some Rottweilers photoshopped onto a chest? Allow me to explain.

You may remember Zach’s longtime girlfriend Abbey from my highly touted player profile before the 2021 NFL Draft.

As is the plot for any worthwhile Lifetime movie, Zach and Abbey were allegedly together since high school. She was by his side on draft night.

“Still can’t wrap my head around this moment. Feeling so blessed to have been a part of his journey since high school,” Gile gushed at the time. “Zach has worked so hard to be here and he made his dream reality.”

Back in January the couple announced their breakup the traditional Mormon way, by deleting all pictures together on Instagram and unfollowing each other. Abbey was able to make it through high school and college, but only 1 with the Jets, which seems impressive.

Zach moved on with Instagram model and future Princess Polly spokesperson Nicolette Dellanno.

Things were going great, as seen here.

However things immediately seemed amiss when fellow BYU Cougar, Washington Commanders WR and current Fashion Nova (Men) spokesperson Dax Milne soft launched his new girlfriend online.

To the untrained eye this is just another balayage blonde on a secluded beach at sunset. But the white toes must have given it away. So far the biggest headline of the Commanders offseason, rumors started swirling that this was none other than Dax’s best friend/college roommate/current Jets QB’s ex girlfriend Abbey Gile.

[In the time it took me to write this blog, the photo of Zach and Dax I intended to put here from Dax’s page of the two sitting court side at a BYU game from a couple months ago was just deleted  👀]

There really wasn’t any further proof than this questionable pic, but Abbey had something to get off her chest.

If Zach Wilson cheated on his high school sweetheart with his crazy mom’s friend, dating his best friend seems appropriate, if not mandatory.

However, in a move that was undoubtedly intended to destroy his reputation, the public sentiment to learning Zach Wilson may have fucked his mom’s best friend was overwhelmingly positive. In fact Zach Wilson stock has never been higher. You may think Zach was into beastiality if you didn’t know the current measure of masculinity was how much dawg someone has inside of them.

If Zach Wilson has any type of dog in him, it’s one of those miniature Pomeranians that gets carried around in a purse and goes out to pee once a day. He will never escape this story for the rest of his NFL career. Whether he breaks the interception record or wins 5 consecutive Super Bowls, the internet will use every opportunity to create viral content about Zach Wilson fucking his moms friends.

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[…] obviously Wilson did not want this story to get out. The folks over at Barstool Sports have a screenshot of the young passer sliding into their DMs asking them to take it down and what it would take to do […]