David Murphy May Or May Not Be An Axe Murderer

Heavy heavy title but I think it’s one that is fair. Now just to be safe so no one gets all bent out of shape: these are jokes. I do not think David Murphy is a real murderer. This is the internet. We have fun around here.

With that being said, heavens to Betsy, what in the world is this tweet?

Pro tip? Who’s the pro? Dexter? There is no reason to know what your date’s responds to adversity is unless you’ve got plans to test it. I haven’t been on a first date in some time because I’m happily married but if I remember correctly, fight or flight response never came up. More in the realm of trying to evaluate if my date has a good sense of humor or likes the same things I like. David Murphy skipped all that and went right to ‘put the lotion in the basket.’ Also can we talk about how you would even pull off a sudden downpour? What X-men power do you possess there David?

This is essentially the D.E.N.N.I.S System from Always Sunny. In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if after David wakes up this morning, naked laying next to the deer he killed when he shape-shifted into a werewolf last night, he tries to play this off as one big ‘haha jk guys, remember that episode.’ Look, I even came up with how he’ll spin it using the D.A.V.I.D System.

D: Download Tinder

A: Ask out on date

V: Verify time and location

I: Inconvenience

D: Dismember

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