Breaking News Ladies, Bill Gates Is Now Single


White Boy Summer might actually be here to stay.

Following in the footsteps of all the most prolific couples in history, Bill Gates announced his divorce from his wife of 27 years Melinda Gates in a screenshot statement on Twitter.

First off I have to give it to Microsoft, this was much more professional looking than an iPhone notes breakup announcement. I think this is a classic Century Gothic font that has now outlasted his own marriage. Power move by Melinda getting her name first in the signature too, probably a negotiation she won in the settlement.

But this post begs a very real question. Why did Bill Gates feel the need to let us know about his divorce on Twitter? Other than to make the No Jumper girls aware that he is on the open market, a free agent?

With the emergence of Chet Hanx’s influential White Boy Summer movement, all of the kids on Tik Tok and the former Bachelorette contestants need to know they are not getting any pussy this summer with Bezos and now Gates out on the town fucking shit up. Forget Tristan Thompson, James Harden, and Dave Portnoy, once they start seeing the profit margins on post-divorce Gates and Bezos, the Instagram models and influencers will all be getting a Microsoft Surface.

Melinda Gates is about to have the hottest girl summer though. If I were Megan Fox I’d be sleeping with one eye open.


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