Once again, Tommy was right about Surviving Barstool. This group of 8 from the inaugural season of Surviving Barstool will always have a place in history, but they are about to get fucked. Shocked VH1, the network that brought such shows as both Flavor and Rock of Love has not already picked up the rights to this show.
If you’re new to the S*rvivor universe, typically it’s a group of like 16 strangers put into separate tribes that eventually merge. The biggest differentiating factor in Surviving Barstool is that some of these people not only know each other, but despise each other with the strength of 1,000 burning fires. Putting together the definitive dream cast for season 2 was nearly impossible but the masterpiece is here. Of course we would renew KFC as host with Jeff D Lowe guest spotting.
In the two tribe format we’d start with Tribe What The Fuck Is Going On:
Nate
They can’t possibly make season 2 without having the like #2 guy at the entire company. If you were a fan of Nate at Night, you can only imagine the type of electricity that Nate would bring to reality television. Nick was nothing compared to the charm and allure that Nate brings to the table.
Alex Cooper
Probably Nate’s most obvious and natural alliance partner, Alex Cooper would absolutely rake in the ratings for Surviving Barstool Season 2. The chances of Alex Cooper signing up for Surviving Barstool are as high as Sofia with a F’s IQ, but she’d be the odds on favorite for all these simps to just hand their money over. Who would want a 35 minute Call Her Daddy episode talking about how minuscule and weird your dick is for voting her out? Would love to see a Gluck Gluck immunity challenge though.
Carl
With potential to be the loudest tribe in Surviving Barstool history, Carl is a shoe in for season 2. Chicago needs to be represented, and while from the outside it may seem like White Sox Dave is the wild card of that crew I think people would be shocked to watch Carl attempt to strategize behind everyone’s back. Not sure Carl knows what a whisper is.
Lil Sas aka King of New York
If he can get his parents to sign the waiver form, Lil Sas could run the table on Surviving Barstool. Just let everyone else scream at each other until he’s the only one left. If anyone has a shot at a showmance with Alex, it’s the King of New York. The LilSAlex babies would be so cute.
Troopz
Troopz and the camera are the biggest power duo at Barstool right now. Any video of Troopz screaming British slang at 9am on a Saturday gets an instant must watch sticker slapped on it. Everyone is going to want to be in an alliance with Troopz. Willing to bet he would beg, steal, and lie to get that bag. And if he didn’t, Troopz is always known to be a gracious loser.
Cousin Mike
Every good S*rvivor season has one older stately gentleman that gets voted out first. Everyone feels bad about it but you can’t let Cousin Mike linger around for a gross eating challenge. Ultimately the room temperature would be way too cold for Cousin Mike and he’d likely complain about it enough to get voted out early or quit. Anything to get a televised conversation with Cousin Mike trying to figure out what Troopz is saying.
Stephen Cheah
Stephen Cheah would never make the same mistake as the season 1 Surviving Barstool contestants. He’d break down every second of 40 seasons of game tape before going on. Undoubtedly would end up taking this way too seriously and not sure he has it in him to backstab anyone for money. Integrity is Stephen Cheah’s middle name. I could see him voting against himself if he felt he was playing poorly.
Kirk Minihane
Kirk would obviously self-eliminate by night 2 with this cast of characters. There’s not one person he could reason with. When Kirk is the least batshit crazy person in the tribe that’s when you know you’ve made the dream team of a Surviving Barstool cast. Kirk would be the guy who gets the fish and water for the camp and complains that the young kids just sit around all day and talk.
The next tribe is what happens when you wake up and choose violence like I did today.
Smitty
Obviously this show would be set up for yet another Nate vs. Smitty showdown. I wouldn’t tell either tribe who was on the other one until the merge so Smitty and Nate would both end up thinking they are the top dog running the entire show. Let Brianna Chickenfry try and decide between those two. Smitty might actually DQ due to a physical altercation but could also see him being the first to cry. Smitty’s not a guy you want on the jury and is the perfect candidate for a blindside.
Liz
Liz might be the most important person to cast on season 2, she is simply the best. Some of the thickest skin at Barstool, Liz has everything you want in a Surviving Barstool All Star. No doubt the best reaction video creator at Barstool, people might vote her off just to watch those fireworks. In real life Liz is well liked and intellectually smart, but if you cast a single vote against Liz she’ll never speak to you again. The Liz vs Smitty battle for tribe leader would be more climactic than McGregor vs Poirier.
Rico Bosco
For obvious reasons I could only choose between Rico and Nadu for Surviving Barstool season 2 and I finally ended up going with Rico. Trying to grow the block list to be honest. If I was on a season with Rico I’d simply drag him to the final 2 knowing there’s no way anyone would willingly hand him any money or the satisfaction of knowing he beat the entire office in a game. Luckily for Rico, he understands some things are bigger than sports and definitely wouldn’t take it personally when he gets voted out.
The Rocket
Every season of Survivor needs a nickname guy. The Rocket is practically designed to be a reality TV superstar. Jared would end up being the Richard Hatch of his season and I mean that in the way that he would walk around naked at the most unnecessary times.
Gaz
Second most important to Liz, Gaz absolutely needs to be on season 2 of Surviving Barstool to make the magic happen from the inside. The #1 ranked pot stirrer in the nation, Gaz would light a match between his tribe mates and watch the whole thing burn down. You don’t want Gaz around on the jury spreading rumors about your deepest darkest secrets though.
Frankie
Frankie might be the weirdest brain on this cast. I believe Frankie may murder his own father for the Islanders so can only imagine what type of damage he’d do to someone like Glenny. Frankie’s facial hair after a few days would also be worth it.
Glenny
Glenny has pretty much already been announced as a cast member on season 2 of Surviving Barstool. They better vote him out early because Glenny is basically Tommy and Nick’s son in that he knows how to play the game and is also extremely lovable. We can only hope Glennywear has launched by season 2. For Survivor fans, Glenny is as close to Rupert as it gets at Barstool.
Biz
I want Biz on season 2 for the BizLiz alliance alone. Biz could talk himself out of any elimination but he already has more money than this whole cast combined so I could see him getting voted out early just like Cliff Robinson. But if he could make it to the merge and join forces with Alex Cooper everyone else might as well pack up and leave.
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