We Must Stop Australia From Killing Joe The American Racing Pigeon!!

Kmess

Yes, you read the headline correct.  There is an American Racing Pigeon who is registered to an owner in Alabama, who wound up in… Australia.

Image – Daily Mail

Joe was reported missing from a race in Oregon two months ago before showing up in Australia.

Ok, I am going to address the Pigeon, I mean elephant in the room.  How the HELL does a Pigeon fly from Oregon… To Australia?  There are literally humans who have a hard time making the 6 foot walk from their couch to their bathroom and back, and this goddamn bird flew to Australia?!  Doesn’t it take like 24 hours ON A PLANE to get to Australia from the US?  I am dumbfounded and beyond impressed.  Joe the American Racing Pigeon may be the greatest athlete this world has ever known and he needs a movie.

…Well then i found out afterwards that apparently Joe hitched a ride on a cargo ship.  Makes much more sense and that is much more American.  But never the less, Joe the American Racing Pigeon is still an American icon.

Anyway…  According to sources the Australian government believes that Joe is a “biosecurity risk.”  What the hell does that even mean?  Are they calling Joe The American Racing Pigeon a terrorist?  Because if so Aussies… Those words here in America are fightin’ words.

The Australian Agricultrual Department feels that Joe is a risk to their native Fauna & Flora.  Is that like a Nick At Night show from the 50’s like I love Lucy? I don’t have any idea what that means.  Are those the only kind of birds that they have in Australia?  If these birds are scared of Joe then maybe this is exactly what these weak Australian birds need… A little toughening up from Joe.

Joe was set to be executed.  FOR WHAT?  For accomplishing an incredible feat?  Because your little bitty Australian birds are scared of Joe?  I don’t think so.  Not on our watch.  That is deploy the Army-able!

Then in a change of heart the Australian government said that they are now looking into “re-exporting Joe” back to the US.  You damn right you are sending Joe back here.  He needs to be given the Medal of Freedom and go appear on every morning and late show in the country.  We need to know his story, we need to hear it from his beak.

Then in a complete 180 the Aussies are saying that Joe may be Australian after all. OH NO NO NO!  You are not going from trying to execute an American Icon, to then falling in love with him, because duh… And then claiming him as your own.  LIES!  We can’t not let this stand.  They say that the Joe issue is “under investigation.”  Um.. Investigation closed, send him home.

Call your local and state representatives and tell them you demand they fight to bring Joe The American Racing Pigeon back home, NOW.

-KMess

Feature Image – Orange Country Register

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