20 People I Would Rather Have Play Quarterback Than Philip Rivers

John Rich

I am officially fed up with Philip Rivers. The undisputed king of gaining 5 yards on 3rd & 10. There is no lead big enough for Philip Rivers to not suck the life out of with check downs and screen passes until all of the sudden the Colts are losing in the 4th quarter. The Colts were winning 24-3, and with 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter. The Steelers have just taken a 28-24 lead. The worst part is that he’s probably going to end up winning this game on a final drive and everyone will be like, “Oh that Philip Rivers! He just loves winning close games! He’s such a competitor!” It would be one thing if he was even somewhat likeable, but he’s not. He is the cockiest most arrogant quarterback in the league and has done literally nothing to deserve it

Never mind. He couldn’t even complete the comeback this time. He sucks. The Colts are probably going to miss the playoffs now. I should maybe be more upset with their defense.. but nah fuck that. It’s Philip Rivers fault.  Even worse, he’s played “well enough” this year that he’s probably going to come back again next year and I’ll have to watch his bullshit for another season.


Here are 20 people I would rather the Colts put at quarterback.


Jacoby Brissett – The Colts current backup quarterback. Wouldn’t even need to make a trade. Just send him in for a QB sneak on a 3rd & 1 then “forget” to put Rivers back in.


Ryan Fitzpatrick – If you’re going to bring in an old guy at least bring in someone enjoyable. Fitzpatrick has a fun beard and everyone seems to have a good time when he’s playing quarterback.


Malik Henry – The asshole quarterback from Last Chance U. Not a single person has a single good thing to say about him but he throws a beautiful deep ball.


Brett Favre – I know he can still sling it. I’ve seen the jeans commercials.


Pat McAfee – Colts would instantly become everyone’s favorite team.


Lebron James – Everyone knows that if Lebron James wanted to he would be the best athlete in any sport of his choosing. He’s already proven himself in the NBA. Time to dominate the NFL.


Quavo – Current member of The Migos. In high school Quavo led his football team to a 1-9 record, but everyone says he was actually pretty good. He also makes bangers.


Air Bud – Been a while since we’ve heard from Air Bud but his resume speaks for itself.


Barack Obama – Loves America. Very tall. Our most athletic President.


Casey Anthony – Killed her kids but is also kind of hot.


Martin Shkreli – Huge piece of shit. Everyone hates him. Is a nerd. Bought that one Wu-Tang album everyone pretends they want to hear but Wu Tang was never that good anyways so who really cares.


Chef Boyardee – Makes great canned ravioli.


The Trix Rabbit – Elite speed. Often caught stealing cereal by children but always goes down swinging.


Captain Crunch – Leader of men.


Dig’Em The Sugar Smacks Frog – I’m just naming cereal mascots at this point.


The Almost Completely Melted Snowman in my Neighbor’s Front Yard


The Nutcrackers on my Neighbor’s Front Porch – I’m naming things I see out the window now.


The Picnic Table on My Parents Deck


John Rich (me) – 28 years old. Didn’t grow until after college so never got to realize his full potential on the field. Would thrive if he was given a chance.


Nobody – Design an entirely new offense the likes of which nobody has ever seen where you don’t even line someone up under center. Or just punt it every time.


Twitter: @JohnRichTV






Photo Creds:

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ht tps://theu ndefeated.com/features/colts-jacoby-brissett-just-getting-started/

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h ttps:// ww w.sportingnews.com/us/nfl/news/madden-nfl-20-no-quarterbacks/59sd2knyn1fw1f4uz7ppy4hlo

htt ps://th ecomeback.com/ncaa/former-last-chance-u-star-malik-henry-starting-for-nevada.html

ww w.mtv.com/news/3071959/quavo-quaterback-celebrity/

h ttps://w ww.thecut.com/2017/03/casey-anthony-opens-up-about-her-daughters-murder.html

h ttps://today inhistory.blog/2020/05/09/march-9-1914-chef-boy-ar-dee/

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