Welcome to the first edition of John’s NBA Roundup. Your #1 place for hard hitting NBA content on the world wide web.
There has been some confusion regarding whether last week’s NBA games were regular season or pre-season games, but I am sure that will become more clear as long as I continue to watch SportsCenter with the sound off while I work from home.
Today we will take a look at the Atlantic Division. All teams in this division are in cities close to the Atlantic ocean except for Toronto which is a city in Ontario, Canada.
John’s Prediction: 45-27
Hometown Celebrities I Would Like To See Courtside:
Will James Harden get himself traded to the 76ers? On the Branded Sports Nightcap last Thursday with, Chavy, Walsh, Mac, and myself, I was told by my delusional co-workers that Ben Simmons is a better sex haver than James Harden. I was so offended that I puked live on stream. James Harden is 7 years older than Ben Simmons, which is 7 more years of sex having experience. James Harden frequents strip clubs, meaning he has sex with strippers. Imagine all the cool sex tricks you would have under your belt from a career of stripper sex.
I saw a guy on ESPN the other day say that betting Joel Embiid to win the MVP at 25-1 was great value. If Joel Embiid win the MVP, I will kill a cat live on Instagram.
Last year, Meek Mill was released from prison and went directly to a 76ers game. I always wonder how that conversation went.
John Prediction: 45-27
Team Motto: One Team. Bone Goal.
Was it racist for the Nets to hire Steve Nash as their coach? Everyone agrees that it was.
Kyrie Irving used to dress up like an old person then go to Rucker Park and dominate pickup games. I remember thinking, “That’s so funny! What a cool guy! He seems pretty normal. I bet I could have a regular conversation with him.” Fast forward to this year:
Kyrie Irving explained burning sage around TD Garden pre-game, which he plans to do before every game this year:
— Celtics on CLNS (@CelticsCLNS) December 19, 2020
New York Knicks
John Prediction: 20-52
What The Team Is Named After: Pants from the 1800’s
Home Stadium: Madison Square Garden aka The Mecca
When I think of the New York Knicks I think of Latrell Sprewell doing crimes, and Patrick Ewing wearing knee pads. Fast forward 20 years: Latrell Sprewell is defaulting on his mortgage, and Patrick Ewing is recovering from COVID-19. Here are the current Knicks I have heard of
- Obi Toppin (rookie)
- Austin Rivers (Doc River’s hottest son)
Knicks owner James Dolan wears a hat and plays kazoo in his band “JD & The Straight Shots”
John’s Prediction: 39-33
What The Team Is Named After: A Steven Spielberg movie about dinosaurs
Fun Fact About Dinosaurs: Dinosaurs would often swallow large rocks. The rocks stayed in their stomachs and help them digest food.
Has the Toronto Raptors throwback jersey jumped the shark? It’s one of the coolest throwbacks, but it seems like everyone has one now which makes it a little less cool. Consider Lil’ Pump.
A lot of people think that Drake is the Toronto Raptors biggest fan. The real Toronto Raptors super fan is Nav Bhatia. He has literally attended every single Raptors home game ever. He is handsome. He wears a turban courtside. He once sold 127 cars in 3 months.
My Prediction: 45-27
Foods I would eat if I visited Boston: Clam Chowder, Baked Beans, Cream Pies, Oyster
The Boston Celtics are still looking to find an identity since the departure of Doc Rivers and the Big 3.
Is this the year Boston changes their name from the Celtics to something less offensive?
@isjanosnas the best NBA Twitter account. Everyone was certain that he was dead. As soon as COVID hit he went completely dark from February through November. But then all of the sudden he was back. Here is some of @isjanosnba’s best work
Hello all Friend is Jano. is now Time for return on NBA #celtics . no more guy fight on team now we are do a unbindu like rondos garnet pierce . I am excite on kebab this guy is the good gard . is new era for this guy and we are get more title i am sure .. thank you is janos .
— Janos (@isjanosnba) October 6, 2019
hi @danielrainge is janos. I am not usual complain to boss but I am PISS . Are watch game tonight? All is not fine we need a rondos. What actions you are take? I am spend 11 dollar today my soup and is now go in drain . Who is pay back me this cost? Please reply me immediate.
— Janos (@isjanosnba) March 4, 2018
Hi @Bucks is janos . NBA #CELTICS is not scare of you . No body is care on janruary win . Nobody is care on this ! NBA #CELTICS full heart team most title . You are see . All fan is know . ALL FAN IS KNOW . thank you is janos .
— Janos (@isjanosnba) February 2, 2020
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