The Patriots are officially out of playoff contention for the first time since their last season without Tom Brady. Everyone across New England knows 43 year old Tom Brady would have dragged Jakobi Meyers and Damiere Byrd to at least another first round exit against the Titans. If Rex Burkhead doesn’t get hurt I’d even go so far and say they’d at least have enough in the tank to take out the Steelers.
Tom Brady leaving us for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers feels like when my ex cheated on me with a local grocery store clerk. Half of the Patriots fans born after 2000 have already bought a Brady creamsicle jersey and fired up their burner accounts to criticize Belichick and his ineptitude at drafting wide receivers.
Our version of going to church on Sundays, minus those who actually go to church on Sundays, was watching Tom Brady. Joel Osteen has nothing on the inspirational sermons Brady consistently delivered for Patriots fans. There are more children and dogs named Brady per capita than there are Dunkin locations. So when we saw the Falcons up 17-0 on the Bucs at halftime, we pretty much added one in the Bucs win column already.
Maybe it’s because I don’t follow nearly any Bucs fans on Twitter or know any in real life, but I just am not getting the sense that Bucs fans are truly appreciating what they have. I’m not FEELING IT from the city of Tampa Bay. The greatest quarterback of all time chose your organization. Turned this team from a perennial laughing stock to a playoff contender in 24 hours. Where are the tattoos, the limited edition Brady beer collections, the rabid Twitter user with 8 numbers in the username defending the 3-5 bad throws Brady has every game?
Even Bruce Arians hasn’t been sucking Brady’s dick enough for my liking. Blaming him for mind numbing interceptions like he’s Jameis before LASIK surgery. Bill Belichick quite literally would never.
Ultimately Tom Brady just deserves better. If you aren’t ready to die (or at least get your account suspended) for that man, give him back to the Massholes that will.
All this proves is that Tom Brady is a New England Patriot forever. He can put on another gross looking jersey, bring Gronk with him, and even lead another comeback against the Atlanta Falcons, but he will always be our baby.