Khloe Kardashian Will Not Be Moving To Boston With Tristan Thompson And I Have A Solution For Her

It has been well documented throughout recent history that Kris Jenner is 2nd in command only to Adam Silver when it comes to NBA transactions.

When Kendall Jenner adds a new 6’6 guard to her Pinterest board, Kris calls their agent to work through the numbers. I’m convinced she’s kept Devin Booker in Phoenix because it’s geographically convenient but not as A list as LA. After Lamar Odom, Kris had to pivot her strategy for her daughters. A partnership with Klutch Sports only seems like the next logical move if it wasn’t already obvious enough by the name.

When Tristan played for the Cavs the logical thought was that there was not one woman in the Cleveland area with enough ass injections to tempt him to cheat. Kris unfortunately failed to account for away games.

With the current pandemic still keeping fans from games, Khloe probably assumes it’s safe to let her serial cheating current and former ex baby daddy move across the entire country where he has no Kardashian ties to play for a team with superstar 22 year old athletes. What could possibly go wrong?

Sources close to the couple tell TMZ … Khloe and True will not be uprooting themselves from Los Angeles by moving to the East Coast with Tristan.

We’re told Khloe plans on making extended visits to Boston with her 2-year-old tot to see her daddy when schedules allow for it … but L.A. will remain home.

Our sources say True has her routine, her family and especially all of her beloved cousins in L.A. … and both Khloe and Tristan don’t want to take that away from her. Instead, they’re set on making long-distance work.

I don’t care if it’s Boston or Cleveland or Calabasas, Tristan Thompson cannot be trusted. He has no shot surviving the Capo basement once bars start opening up again. So I have a proposition for Khloe and for Kris that needs to be seriously considered.

For a measly fee, agreed to throughout the duration of Tristan’s contract paid either on a monthly or yearly basis, I will babysit Tristan Thompson’s dick. Absolutely no WAP other than Khloe’s in sight from Dorchester to Wellesley. I’ll travel to road games, inside a bubble, wherever Khloe needs me, as long as I’m added to the payroll. Can go undercover chaperone with extensive prosthetics, or open to being handcuffed to Tristan’s ankles in a completely non sexual manner. I’ve been known to loosely mention non consensual circumcision on a cheater or two in the past, and not once in the history of relationships has any woman been threatened by my presence with their boyfriend/fiance/husband. In basketball terms I am the relationship equivalent of Al Horford.

So if Kris Jenner is listening, as I’m sure she always is, this is a win-win for everyone involved. I will keep the salary demands private until negotiations but really how can you put a price on your daughter’s baby daddy’s fidelity? I didn’t think so.


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