You’ve been busted by the latest sting operation by the Horny Police (Branded Sports Unit)! Come out with your pants up and keep your hands away from your dick!
You have the right to remain flacid. Anything you say can and will be used against you in horny court. You have the right to talk to a lawyer for advice before we ask you any questions. If you cannot afford a lawyer one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish. If you decide to answer questions now without a lawyer present you have the right to stop answering at anytime.
Okay so now that you’ve been read your Horny rights do you want to explain why you clicked on this blog?
I’m not here to kink shame but if slightly NSFW pictures of Marge Simpson and Louis Griffin are what get your rocks off this early in the morning maybe it’s time to think about a lobotomy. Anyways we’ll get you in front of a judge tomorrow morning and see what he decides to sentence you to.
13 hours later
Judge: Okay (insert Branded Sports reader here) do you understand the charges brought against you by the horny police? Okay Mr Prosecutor do you have anything you’d like to add?
Prosecutor: *Southern accent* Your honor I’m a simple man, a man of the people if you will. I like 95% of the world can control their horny levels. Obviously from clicking on the blog this man sitting in the defendant’s chair is a man who can’t control his horniness. When we checked the defendant’s browser history we found everything from Cuban scat porn videos to Thai Ladyboys Gone Wild. But perhaps the most disturbing piece of evidence we found was the director’s cut of the Tommy Lee Pamela Anderson sex tape. Now I like most have pleasured myself to the great blonde bombshell that is Pamela Anderson. So you’re probably wondering why this piece of evidence is so damming. Well the director’s cut of the sex tape is filmed from the POV of Pamela Anderson!
*Jury gasps, bailiff pukes, and the judge furiously beats his gavel against the table*
Judge: GUILTY GUILTY GULITY! Bailiff take this horny man away and lock him away for 25 years!
And let this be a lesson to the Branders *cough* Eddie *cough* that this is why you should keep your horny levels in check.