The Sopranos But Instead Of A Crime Organization They Run A Pyramid Scheme.


Woke up this morning got myself a scoop of Plexus Slim Hunger Control.

It’s Wednesday morning I’m still sick (not COVID) but even though my sinuses aren’t at 100% thankfully my brain is still firing on all cylinders. So now I present to you The Sopranos but instead of running a criminal empire they run a pyramid scheme.

Meadow: Are you in a pyramid scheme?

Tony: Am I in a what?

Meadow: Whatever you want to call it. Multi Level Marketing.

Tony: That’s total crap who told you that?

*Yada yada yada*

Tony: I’m in the multi level marketing business. Everybody immediately assumes it’s a pyramid scheme. It’s a stereotype and it’s offensive. And you’re the last person I want to perpetuate it….There is no pyramid scheme!

Artie Bucco: C’mon Tony I want to join! I could be a great asset to the company!

Tony: Artie you skinny fuck how many times do I gotta tell ya?! You’re too skinny to join! How do we show off your weight loss results if you already look like your mother never cooked you a good batch of gabagool in your life? The before and after pics of you will kill this business!

Artie Bucco: C’mon Ton, I own a restaurant I can eat as much as I want and put on some weight! No problem!

Tony: Sorry Artie you’re just not cut out for this business. It’s cutthroat out there. I let you in and then those Pure Romance broads down the road come down and shake you down and that makes all of the Plexus family look bad.

And our final scene in “The Sopranos but instead of crime organization they run a pyramid scheme” takes us to Christopher Moltisanti’s intervention.

Dominic (Intervention Guy): Paul do you want to read your statement?

Paulie Walnuts: I don’t write nothin down so l’ll keep this short and sweet. You’re weak You’re numbers are down and you’ve become an embarrassment to yourself and the Plexus family. And I saw you taking gas station dick pills. Disgrace!

Dominic: Adriana would you like to go next?

Adriana: Christophaw I love you very much but the last few months have been bad because you’re using the Hunger Control drink all the time. Whenever we go out to eat you’re always asking for a to go bag and everybody’s is starting to question just how Italian you are. And his dick don’t work Ton. How are we supposed to have a happily married life if his dick don’t work?

Silvio: Christopher when I showed up to the office to prep for a showcase you had your head in the toilet it was disgusting. And not that it’s any of my business but I too saw him taking gas station dick pills!

*Chaos erupts when Christopher who feels backed into a corner decides to rattle off why Plexus is a pyramid scheme scam in front of Dominic who’s an outsider to the Plexus family*

Tune in next week for “The Sopranos but instead of crime organization they run a pyramid scheme”.

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