If Tony La Russa Is As Smooth With The White Sox As He Was With The Cops Just Give Them The World Series Now. We


First off drinking and driving is not cool.

However Tony La Russa’s DUI arrest report, pretty funny.

I’m not an expert on baseball’s or DUI’s but I know two things. The White Sox suck and throwing around the “do you know who I am?” card at an officer will work 0.0007% of the time.

Also I’m assuming the only reason Tony was driving was because he was on his way to some 30 something woman’s townhouse to bounce his loose wrinkly balls off of some cheeks like a disgusting and sagging pendulum. But Tony that’s what Uber is for you big dumb Italian meatball!

From what I’ve gathered the La Russa hire was already seen by most as a shitty hire by a shitty team. However as someone who couldn’t care less about wins and losses (I’m a Reds fan) I must say from an entertainment standpoint I’m looking forward to La Russa treating this team like his own personal New Jersey Crew and going full Tony Soprano.

Virtual AA sessions lead by off brand Dr Melfi, banging Russian whoraaas on the road, “silencing” people who leak anything to the press, and having his own personal Paulie Walnuts to smack up any reporter who is out of line at press conferences.

So while many will see opening day as the start of a new MLB season I’ll see it as a fever dream-esque 7th season of The Sopranos that we never got.

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