Finally a cause that I can confidently say every American can agree on: Clare sucks as The Bachelorette. Admittedly I was not a big Clare girl before the season kicked off. I don’t like how she acts like she hasn’t ever really had a fair shot at love when she has been on 13 Bachelor related shows. It has yet to be mentioned even once that Clare was previously ENGAGED to Benoit at the finale of Winter Games, which in case you forgot, was quite the grand gesture from people who had known each other about 4 months.
Much like Bachelor Nation did on that very night, we have all come together again to acknowledge that there’s no way Clare and Dale are going to last.
What happened 4 weeks into Clare’s long awaited 39 year old Bachelorette journey may truly have been the most dramatic season ever, and that’s because Clare is a total lunatic. There’s no more bad edit excuse like she pulled off when talking to the crabs on the beach. Clare, with the leg work of Chris Harrison, coerced her way into love at the very minimum.
The minute Bachelor producers decided to pull the plug on Clare with Tayshia on day 3 of quarantine. If they were going to force her to get off the show, the least they could do is give her the biggest Neil Lane hookup around and mentally bully Dale into proposing. Dale was completely caught off guard by the suggestion of a proposal.
The mastery of the aforementioned Chris Harrison is always grossly underrated. Once Clare went all Wedding Crashers “I’d find you” on Dale and simply refused to hang out with anyone else, this thing was past the point of repair. You think people without sports for 5 months are insufferable? Try fucking with Bachelor Nation content, especially coming off of *cover your ears people* Pilot Pete’s dumpster fire of a season that we begrudgingly were forced to watch A Clockwork Orange style.
Chris basically did his best A&E impression and intervened in a polite way of firing Clare for being just the worst. Admitting to Instagram stalking Dale and Dale only the months prior to filming when all these guys are quarantining in preparation for specifically dating her in the midst of a global pandemic was an eye opening moment. Clare is legit nuts. If you weren’t already sold from the breakdown when guys didn’t immediately pull her aside on the date, the entire date with Zach J, or her reaction when the guys roasted Dale, this should just about do it.
Getting engaged to be married after like 8-10 weeks of extravagant dates, traveling the world, meeting each others families is usually insane enough. But doing absolutely none of that in favor of calling it quits on an entire season of hair and makeup so you can fuck a Halloween costume model and get engaged after 2 weeks is clinical, even for Bachelor fans. I’m all for love but Jesus Christ. Is Neil Lane’s contract expiring or something and Clare wanted to make sure she got in on it? We literally aren’t going anywhere. Was this a parting gift from Chris Harrison to leave Clare with a firing parting gift of a fiance?
Allegedly Clare and Dale are still together, miraculously have just celebrated their 3 month anniversary. According to their erratic and messy IG live after the week 4 finale of Clare’s time on the Bachelorette, Clare and Dale are looking for houses together. Call me when you’ve made it a year and I will reconsider my stance then.