Philly Santa To Sit Behind Plexiglass Wall Due To COVID?

You have to wonder if COVID is playing a factor or is Santa just tired of having to deal with the dirtbags of Philly sullying his best pair of slacks with piss and well their own brand of BO known as the “Philly Special”.

I don’t blame Santa for wanting the barrier between him and the scumbags kids. In fact I’d take it one step further and just cancel the photos if I was the jolly ol prick. If these Philly kids are anything like their drunk, scumbag parents they’re probably ungrateful bastards who think way too highly of themselves.

I can picture it now.

The Scene: A plexiglass-less Santa Claus is doing pictures with all the little rats at the Roosevelt Mall and they’re all coughing directly into his face infecting him with enough COVID to take down a NFL team. Santa finally closes up shop for the day fatigued from a hard day’s work (and a little COVID) and after rubbing all of his reindeer on their cute little reindeer heads Santa hips in the sleigh and marshes off to the North Pole, to prepare for the holidays. Suddenly Santa and his reindeer are overcome by shortness of breath. They try to keep the sleigh moving but it’s no use! Santa and his reindeer crash into the Atlantic never to be seen again! The world is in shock, mourning the loss of an icon.

Meanwhile some ungrateful rat of a kid in Philly sees the news and yells to his parents “I don’t give a frick if Santa is DEAD, I still better get my Jalen Hurts jersey and a PS5 from that fat red dressed fuck!”

So to the ungrateful parents and kids of Philly I hope that if you approach Santa and even sniffle in his direction he beats the brakes off of you.


Featured Image via 6 ABC Twitter (LINK)

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