Breakups suck. Everyone has been on the wrong end of a breakup where it left them down in the dumps for a prolonged period of time. Depending on your age your reaction to a breakup may be to hop make a revenge Tik Tok (age 12-18), hit the gym (18-35) or drink the pain away (Irish).
To help some people who may have been dumped recently (or can feel sense their girlfriend’s WAP transforming into RBF) I’m going to breakdown my top 6 worst breakups I’ve gone through.
1) Nicole Spring 2004
Times were simpler back in 2004 for yours truly. I’d spend my nights watching George Lopez or My Wife and Kids with the parents, LimeWire was giving our family computer AIDS so I could see fake (aka some of the worst photoshop you’ll ever see) celeb nudes. I was really living it up during my last year as a “tween”.
Thanks to Yahoo Messenger I was going steady with a classmate who we will call Nicole for legal reasons. Nicole. Nicole was from the next town over and we’d spend hours chatting online about anything and everything our 7th grade brains could think of. We talked about marriage, kids, how I would make millions playing for the Cincinnati Bengals, we had our whole life planned. Unfortunately our relationship came to a screeching halt just 3 weeks in when it was found out that Nicole never existed and I was chatting with my biology teacher. That breakup stung pretty bad but it did explain why I was getting an A- in the class when I was putting in a D+ effort.
2) Tim Sylvia 2004
3) Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira 2011
I had $50 on this fight and lost. Easily the worst breakup I’ve gone through.
So there they are. I hope that by sharing my story any Brander who is freshly single will be assured that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.