If you or a loved one are suffering from an addiction to a fuck boy (or girl), you’ve probably asked yourself, what can anyone do about it? How can we shake off the shackles of a self depricating fuck boy addiction? Do we even really want to? Like any other addiction, the first step is admitting you have a problem. So to help you spot a fuckboy in your life (since you’re clearly in denial), I have compiled a list of universal signs you are tangoing with a fuckboy.
HOW TO SPOT A FUCK BOY
- Do you find yourself feeling “almost” pathetic at times for just a scrap of their time or attention? Does it feel like you really have a handle on this whole self respect thing, except in this one area of your life?
- Are you always making excuses for their literally obtuse behavior? “Maybe he’s just super busy.” For 5 days straight?! Yeah, he is busy. He is busy being NOT THAT INTO YOU.
- Does he only hit you up when it’s for sex? Hell, you probably barely even have small talk anymore at this point. It is ALL about business.
- Can he smooth talk his way into your evening with little to no effort and make you feel like this time will be different? And do you have these great evenings together where you feel like you’re really finally connecting, but then go another two weeks without hearing from him?
- Does he make you feel like a queen when you’re together, but seems to have no idea who the fuck you are when you’re not?
- Does your best friend sort of HATE his guts?
- Is he constantly bailing on your plans with little or sometimes NO EXPLANATION?
- Do you sort of know that he is toxic, but don’t exactly care because some of his attention is better than none of it at all?
- Does the idea of having to cut him off feel like losing an essential element to survival?
- Are you always trying to make sense of his hot and cold behaviors?
If you said yes to any combination of the above, you might be fucking with the enemy. So, you’ve spotted him, but now what? Like I said, it feels almost as essential as breathing. Yeah, you deserve much better in literally every single way, but what is keeping you there?
The truth; fuck boys are manipulators. I am not even sure if they’re conscious of it or just so self absorbed they have no idea how they are treating others. But part of the allure to a fuckboy is the chase and the mind games. They don’t offer you affection consistently; it’s almost like love, but only on a part time basis. This can make you crave their affection more because you are subconsciously getting off on the chase. And when they do finally give you a morsel of their time, it makes you feel like you are winning some kind of battle. It feels like you’re in control again.
NEWS FLASH! YOU’RE NOT!
Fuck boys can take the most confident, bad-ass women and turn them into a pathetic shell of a person. They will make you feel clingy, weird, and completely confused. Do you feel victimized yet?
Well, don’t worry, there is hope. The good news is, you’ve spotted him. You know exactly what he is doing. Seeing him feels like a need, but it is not. You lived before having his dick in you and you will live after. His games are powerful, but you are more powerful. His mind control is strong, but you are stronger.
Stop allowing him to come and go as he pleases to give you a fraction of the love you deserve. It will take time to shake him, but start by saying NO one time, it’s the first step. You have to decide what your self worth is and walk away from the trap. Stop spending your time waiting for a fuckboy to change because you should be spending that time with someone who can offer you some shred of emotional availability.
Hard Pill to swallow: if he isn’t pursuing you thoughtfully or consistently giving you signs that he is interested in you, he is not. People work hard for the things they want. Just look at what you’re willing to endure for an ounce of his time and compare it to his willingness to give you even the smallest amount of his energy. It’s obvious if only you’d just stop ignoring it.
The next time he tries to hit you up for some drive thru sex, remember the words of the great Randy Jackson. “It’s gonna be a nah from me dawg”.
FuckBoys: just say “no”.
For more on FUCKBOYS check out the most recent episode of THE ROSTER “How to spot a FuckBoy”