The Phillies Bullpen Has Taken Every Last Gasp Of Air Out Of The Team, And Its Fans

You could feel the air deflate from the entire city of Philadelphia last night. It’s been a 12 round fight with the Phillies bullpen but they’ve finally KO’d us.

No more Ricky Bottallico rants will ease these pain this train wreck of a bullpen has caused. As their ERA skyrockets over 7, and another blown lead, they win. They’ve killed the spirit of this city. There’s no more anger, there’s no more yelling. They are so fucking far past pathetic it’s no use getting worked up about.
Despite the offensive firepower, despite having two bonafide aces on the starting pitching staff, none of it would’ve mattered in a playoff series anyways. Because we would need some schmuck named Brad Workman, wearing an oversized jersey, to get three consecutive outs. He’s just too much of a loser to do it. They all are.
Watching the Phillies bullpen is like watching Marley & Me on a nightly basis. You KNOW the dog is going to die at the end.
This team has sucked for 8 years. They have a gluttony of international money to spend on young players. Yet they couldn’t find a single fucking guy who could pump 95+mph and get outs for a single inning.
They spent $330 million on a star in his prime. They traded “the next Pedro Martinez” for another star to pair with their big free agent prize. And they squandered it all because they couldn’t find any relievers who could get them outs.
It’s infuriating. It’s devastating. It’s time we will never get back. The offense was a lot of fun. The starting pitching staff has vastly improved. There’s definitely things to be happy about with this team this year and moving forward. It’s just such a shame that a nerdy little shit named Matt Klentak created a bullpen black hole that hindered their ability to take that next step as a playoff team.
When Jean Segura got plunked tonight, you could just feel it. But really, we’ve felt it for weeks. Watching them blow leads on a nightly basis was like being tied to train tracks and seeing the train approaching in the distance.
The train finally arrived.
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