It’s Wednesday Branders which means we’re only 1 day away from NFL football being back!
I don’t know about you Philly scumbags but I’m ready for some football! Being a Bengals fans I have low expectations for this year (if we finish at .500 I’m a happy camper) but GODDAMIT I’m excited to see that handsome bastard Joe Burrow drop back in the pocket and hit AJ Green on the fade route for TD’s!
Looking at the schedule there’s really only two games that matter for me in terms of bragging rights this year. Most will think those games are against AFC North rivals Cleveland Browns and Pittsburgh Steelers (even if we beat the Steelers they’ll still claim “check the series scoreboard we’re historically the better team” so fuck em) but surprisingly neither of those games matter as much as the two I’m about to list.
Oh hell yeah Branders. This matchup determines whether or not I can just calmly go about my days at the Branded Sports Blogging/Podcasting factory or if I’ll be in for a few weeks (which will feel like an eternity) of torture from the Philly Branders. If the Bengals win I’ll take the high road and just keep on chugging along, business as usual. If the Bengals lose I can see guys like AJ and CEO Joe coming for the king looking to put me six feet under. AJ has revenge on his mind ever since the Celtics vs 76ers stream and CEO Joe is looking to get one back on me for leading the Clickerbaiters to a landslide victory over the Messmakers in the Branded Sports Quarter 2 2020 Click Off (Sponsored by GIF JIF). So if you’re a Brander who doesn’t have a dog in this fight plz choose to root for the Bengals and help even the odds for this uphill battle I’m fighting.
Matchup #2
Now this one goes a little deeper than Branded Sports. I fucking despise the Cowboys. I hate Jerry Jones stupid face, I hate the “America’s team” slant, I hate the fans, I hate the whole state of Texas (except for Stevie Stats). Kmess seems like a high road type of fella so I don’t expect a hit piece about me or any dancing on graves from him if they beat us. In fact regardless of how this game goes I expect Kmess and myself to sit down and crack open a Coors Banquet and talk shop.
If the Bengals managed to get swept by both teams this year (which is a very real possibility) I want the Birds vs Boys Pod to give me credit for providing them with an at length talking point because they could go on for HOURS about how bad the Bengals are and how it was an easy W for both teams.
So there’s my NFL preview.
PS Don’t watch “The Fuck It List” on Netflix.