Branded Sports is a lot like Arlen Texas (not really) so I decided to figure out who the Branders would be if we were in King Of The Hill.
CEO Joe (Hank Hill)
The patriarch, the OB (original Brander), Papa Joe. Joe is the main character in all of this and the glue that holds us together. Replace Hank’s love of propane with Philly sports and they’re virtually identical.
Ali (Peggy Hill)
The matriarch of the Branded Family. Ali will likely follow in Peggy’s footsteps as a Substitute Teacher of the Year contender after she’s canceled for writing a scathing hit piece on future President of the United States (and Tampa Bay Buccaneer great) Tom Brady.
Chavy (Bobby Hill)
I much like Bobby make Joe say “that boy ain’t right” at least 3 times a day either in our group chat, social media, or on the LIVE shows we do.
The Roster Girls (Luanne Platter)
The Roster Girls and Luanne are proud sex havers and aren’t afraid to talk about it (much to the dismay of Joe and Hank Hill). But like Luanne I think the Roster girls will become Born Again Christians as they get older. I look forward to The Roster Podcast going from talking about “what meal to eat before your sugar daddy rides your Hershey higway” to debating New Testament vs Old Testament.
Stevie Stats (Lucky)
Stevie is from Texas. Lucky is from Texas. Lucky slipped on pee pee at the Costco, got a settlement and never has to work a day in his life. Stevie Stats will ￼get caught being peed on in a Costco bathroom and be permanently banned. See the similarities?
AJ (Bill Dauterive)
Bill is a hapless romantic longing for the love of his life. AJ is a hapless Philly sports fan longing for a championship. Any guesses on who wins this race to an endorphin release?
Eddie (Dale Gribble)
Eddie is our conspiracy guy here at Branded Sports (whether he knows it or not I’m not sure). Recently I came into possession of Eddie’s IP address and was able to dissect his browser history and yeeesh! Let’s just say that history only solidified his spot as the conspiracy guy. Legally I think that’s all I’m allowed to say.
I don’t know Kmess that well but from the pics I’ve seen of him it’s fair to say he’s a good lookin dude. I’m sure if that ring wasn’t on his finger he’d be chasin tail in his 74 Chavelle just like ol Boomhaur.
Aiden (Joseph Gribble)
Another guy I don’t know well just based off of his Twitter I’d assume he’s somewhat athletic and was the star of his middle school football team just like Joseph. I think they both have the same facial hair too so there’s that.
Walsh (Buck Strickland)
Walsh will end up stumbling into a local Wing shop in Philly at some point and use his newfound fortune to develop into a degenerate like Buck. Getting kicked out of strip clubs, illegal poker games and countless drunken nights in the back of his wing shop are in Walsh’s future.
So if FOX decides to revive the series I think we have a solid cast of Branders that’ll win every Emmy award.