Okay, boys. Sit down. It’s time we had a talk about pubic hair.
You like your women shaved, right? Kissing and licking softly over that smooth skin, leading to the beautiful, moist, irresistible vagina. Of course, you do. I’m straight, and that turned ME on.
So, why aren’t you reciprocating?
TOO MANY women have come to me complaining about their man’s bush getting in their mouth when all they want to do is deep throat that dick. Women are sucking your hair down like good little pube vacuums because they are too afraid to let you know you look like a 70s porn star down there. So, I’m here to give it to you straight.
SHAVE YOUR GODDAMN BALLS, MAN.
As a woman who hosts a sex podcast, you could reasonably assume that I’ve seen a lot of dicks. Tall ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones. As I’ve said many times before, these descriptors are useless. Size doesn’t matter. Men focus so much on size and shape that they forget the most important thing: catering to the woman wrapping her lips around their dicks.
I want a groomed cock. I want that ball sack to smell manly, not musty, and I want it trimmed, smooth, and ready for my mouth. I don’t want to inhale your sweaty testicles or your curly Q pubes. I’m not interested in munching on that mound.
Make my mouth water by putting the bush away. It’s time to mow the lawn, fellas. Whack away the weeds. Clear the forest.
Coincidentally, MANSCAPED™ has an electric trimmer called the Lawn Mower™ 3.0 that has been redesigned to help hack away at your most sensitive areas. And to make this as easy as possible for you guys, they also have BALL DEODORANT called Crop Preserver™! You have no more excuses for that smelly sack, bro.
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Thank you MANSCAPED™ for helping women everywhere gain access to smooth balls that smell good, making our sex lives (and our blowjobs) MUCH better!