Why Lakers Fans Should Be Gravely Concerned After Last Night

Remember that Capricorn Sangria that went viral a few summers ago? Everyone online told you that it would get you messed up quick and the hangover after would be killer. And then, you had it in real life, and it played out exactly how they said it would. Drunk in a hurry, hungover for a long time after. That has to be how Lakers fans feel this morning. Everyone told them how the Blazers series would go, and then it played out that way in Game 1.
Going into this abnormal 1v8 series, people liked the Blazers because of the momentum they possessed, Dame’s scorched Earth tear he’s on, and because the Lakers surrounding Lebron flat out can’t shoot.
So, let’s start with the Blazers momentum. They’ve been playing playoff basketball since they stepped foot in Disney World. We were starved of March Madness this year so it’s nice that this Blazers team feels like a 13 seed from a bum fuck conference who’s initials look like someone with dyslexia tried to spell a simple word like “stay”. Portland had a double digit lead in the first half, catching LA sleep walking. By the early fourth quarter they looked so gassed. And then, they got that second wind justttt as you thought midnight was going to strike on Cinderella. Melo, Gary Trent and Dame all hit huge threes. Hassan Whiteside went full Dikembe Mutombo. Just like that, the Sweet 16 upset was complete! They should let Bill Raftery call one of these games just so we can feel something.
I think this tweet perfectly sums up the unreal heater that Damian Lillard is on:

Alex Caruso is more so an internet folk hero than a basketball player, but ironically the game changed while he was out. Despite Lillard’s 34 points, Caruso wasn’t playing half bad defense! Dame was stuck on 25 for quite some time in that second half (he had 23 at half time). But Caruso went out and Kentavious Caldwell-Pope took over Dame Duty, and inexplicably started going under on screens. It resulted in two logo threes from Dame, and the game was over.
Speaking of KCP, at least he made up for it on the offensive end, right? Right?! *checks box score and then projectile vomits*
This Lakers offense is in a heap of trouble. It’s like when you saw the title, Snakes On A Plane, you knew snakes were about to cause havoc on a plane. When the Lakers went into the bubble and came out of the seeding games last in offensive rating, you knew they were going to struggle scoring in the playoffs. It’s not a bad shooting night, it’s just how the team currently exists.
I don’t know if Charles Barkley is right to bring out the brooms with this one. Lebron James has not made his living getting swept in the first round. But man, did Lakers fans stare directly into the face of everything they feared this series was going to be.
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