Is Stevie Stats on the hot seat?

Chavy 1

As I was sitting at my desk this morning brainstorming blog ideas I decided to take the easy way out and tweet out that I was brainstorming ideas for a blog. When you put out a tweet like that you have to expect that 9/10 of the responses are going to be sarcastic in nature, and the first/only response did not disappoint.

Now if you’re like me you probably saw blog ideas #1-#11 and said to yourself “B-O-R-I-N-G!” In fact I showed this list to the residents I volunteer with at the local nursing home and they all said the same thing “CHAVY PLEASE PUT A MASK ON!”

Anyways as I was being escorted out of the nursing home I was shouting out the ideas Stevie Stats had for blogs this week and again no reaction. If you can’t convince the people who have been reading other people’s opinions since the 40’s to read your’s you won’t make it in this biz.

But not all of Stevie’s list was bad. 

Some may take a comment like this personally, but not me. You see I come from the world of regional stand up comedy and grew up loving the Comedy Central Roasts (RIP Greg Geraldo). And one of the first things I learned from both is that “you only roast the ones you like…..to their face.” So instead of seeing this as a low blow I saw it as a pal bustin my balls.

There’s a million ways I could respond to this and instead of choosing just one I’ll write them all and you can decide which one you want my retort to be. Think of this like a choose your own adventure.

Adventure #1 The “viral” Tweet

Now this is a tweet that transcends demo’s. This is a tweet that could’ve been written by a guy who just watched a Gary Vee TikTok and is looking to get his nut so he can retire to Tecoma Washington and open up his own microbrewing company, or this tweet could’ve been written by a Chi Omega pledge on the verge of being kicked out of Arizona State for getting an A+ in socializing and a D- in her communications class.

TL;DR It’s a basic tweet.

51WBR3ZMHkL

That tweet was made by a Dum Dum.

This was a tweet sent out at 5:56AM with Stevie hoping it would go viral by 10AM. He probably tucked himself into his racecar bed at 8:30PM (with a warm cup of milk on his nightstand) set his alarm for 5:50AM, woke up at 5:45AM got around for work at the gambling factory, and then did the tweet. He even tagged the official Chick-Fil-A account hoping he’d be able to grab their attention as soon as they clocked in at the Twitter factory. We can only assume Stevie had a three step plan for his tweet 1) He was hoping this tweet would get passed up the corporate ladder and they’d use his idea of sweet potato fries. 2) Chick-Fil-A would back up the Brink’s truck to his 1 bedroom apartment and pay him handsomely for his idea that nobody has ever thought of before (sarcasm). 3) He’d retire to Tacoma and open that Microbrewing Company…that would go under in 6 months.

But what actually happened was Stevie forgot that some marketing major who’s interning for Chick-Fil-A runs the account and they didn’t wake up until 9AM because they went a little too hard for #ThristyThursday (shoutout to the college kids on the Addy and Natty diet). Which is the ONLY reason this tweet is sitting at the big 00 on RT’s and Likes (more sarcasm).

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Adventure 2 “Roundball Crock?”

*Disclaimer* I actually like this video he did a really good cover here and the only reason I’m using it is for the sake of content.


This is the worst use of Roundball Rock since a certain rapper, singer, songwriter, entrepreneur, investor, and occasional actor from St Louis Missouri stole it in 2004.

How you think you look playing Roundball Rock on the violin.

Vs

How you actually look playing Roundball Rock on violin.

So Branders, you have two choices on how to remember the great battle of Chavy vs Stevie Stats went down. Whichever one you pick is of no concern to me because they both have the same ending…me burying Stevie Stats in the backyard.

And Stevie, I never wanted it to go down like this. I considered us both the nerds of Branded Sports and us nerds have to stick together.

This could’ve been us but you blew it.

Featured image via WordPress (LINK)

Ouch Town Gif via Giphy (LINK)

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