Power Ranking The Top 5 Stores I Would Loot

Joe

Disclaimer: Looting is bad. Don’t loot. If you are out there breaking windows and looting you are a big time dickhead. And instead of throwing bricks, punch yourself in the balls and go lay down.

Now with that being said, if I was to become a low life looter, here are the top 5 stores I would target and why.

5. Express: We’re not fully back in the go to work mode but we are getting close. And when we get there I could really go for a new wardrobe. It will be like starting a new school year. You don’t want to walk into the office wearing the same out shit from pre COVID-19. I need new pants and no one makes pants that fit my body better than the folks at Express.

4. Chick-fil-a: I love free food. I’m running a risk that there isn’t enough food already cooked but you know what they say. Live by the spicy chicken sandwich, die by the spicy chicken sandwich.

3. Home Goods: This one would take some help and a little bit of strategy but Home Goods goes. It has everything you need to turn a regular home into a happy home. And as a white guy, HG is just apart of my DNA. I’m naturally drawn to it. Like a moth to a flame.

2. Apple: Hear me out on this one. I don’t think you can get away with taking an iphone or like an ipad. But Apple accessories are expensive as hell. I’d run out of that place with no less than 1000 chargers. It would be a dream scenario to never be more than 5 feet away from a charger for the rest of my life. That is called stress free livin’

1. Lululemon: This is an expense play 10000%. Lululemon makes the best workout clothes in the game by a mile but it also cost no less than $500 for shirt. I’d snag roughly my entire college student loan debit in shorts. Also imagine if I come home with a pile of leggings for my wife? I’m husband of the century at that point. Don’t have to worry about birthdays, anniversaries, V-day, nothing!! I’m off the hook for years. No brainer loot location for me.

And that’s it. Once again, don’t loot. Looting is bad.

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