Carson Wentz Ranked as a Top NFL Quarterback In Very Important Metric


One of the heavily debated topics during the Great Sports Drought of 2020 is if Carson Wentz is a top five NFL quarterback going into next season. Well I finally found a source that can determine if  Wentz is elite once and for all.

All we ever talk about in these stupid arguments are stats. Wins, passing yards, passing touchdowns. Blah blah blah. Who cares. This article focuses on what matters most in determining the level of a quarterback: how cool they look.

Carson Wentz comes in at #2 baby!!! (For those who didn’t click on the article he lost out to only Kyler Murray). Hell yes. Being a Christian enthusiast from North Dakota, Wentz never gets his credit for how cool he looks in an Eagles uniform. Every guy who played high school football and had their career stop there, wishes they were Carson’s height. The author of this awesome article, Steven Ruiz, even notes that Wentz’s height gives him a boost.
You also have to love that he rocks the shooting sleeve every week like a baller. The camo one he wears during military appreciation month is second to none. But when the Eagles go all-white and Wentz throws on the white shooting sleeve, that’s when he’s at his uniform peak.
Bonus points to Carson for being a Nike athlete.
You can say this is stupid but I firmly believe how cool a player looks influences his game and elevates how players/fans feel about a certain guy. A perfect example of this is Sam Bradford. There was no chance in hell that long sleeved dork of a quarterback was ever winning a Super Bowl in Philadelphia. Or anywhere. Take Mike Vick on the other hand. He played less than two full seasons as a starter here, never won a playoff game.  But  in a recent poll we did here at Branded, fans said they enjoyed him more than Donovan McNabb. You know why? Because Michael Vick was the coolest player to ever put on an Eagles uniform. This stuff matters, even if it’s only a little bit.
Here were some other quarterback ranks of note that caught my eye:
Lamar Jackson – #10: Lamar has some of the most natural drip for an athlete and it’s been that way since his viral high school video came out. He’s a human joystick. He’s smooth off the field. He’s always rockin OVO shit. He’s legit. But as far as uniform goes, I was shocked how vanilla he is. He literally wears no gear outside of the basic uniform and a play-calling arm band.
Kirk Cousins – #17: Look I know there are only 32 NFL teams but how did Cousins come in any less than 33rd in this ranking system.
Russell Wilson – #18: One spot behind Cousins is just a slap on the face. Russ, like Wentz, is a bit of a cornball. But him at 18 in terms of aesthetic is one of the very few I disagree with in this ranking system.
Josh Allen – #12: It is really hard to make the city of Buffalo seem cool but Josh Allen certainly does the best he can.
Desean Watson – #5: I knew before I even clicked on the article that Desean was an absolute lock to be near the top. He was cool at Clemson. He is cool in a Texans uniform. And he’ll be cool for the next team he goes to when he leaves Houston because Bill O’Brien is an idiot.
Dak Prescott – #6: HAHA even in ranking system where skill is only part of the contributing factors that lead to being named a Top 5 quarterback, Dak still couldn’t crack it. What a shame.
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