NBA Is BACK – According To Shams


For the first time since March 11th, it appears we are taking a positive step towards the NBA returning.

Shams tweeted that for the first time since the stoppage – there is a specific timeline put in place.


In similar news, it was released that Chris Paul (President of NBAPA) reached out to a who’s who of superstars and held a private conference call. It is rumored that what happened on this conference call played a big part in Adam Silver’s decision.

Lucky for you I was granted special insider access to the Zoom call – here are my notes:

Attendees: Chris Paul (lead), Lebron James, Kevin Durant, Stephen Curry, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Anthony Davis, Damian Lillard, Kawhi Leonard, & Russell Westbrook.

Note 1: It’s 9 PM, the proposed start of the meeting, everyone appears to have logged in and is ready to roll. That is until we realize Kawhi is not on the call. Unfortunately he does not own a cell phone and the only way to get a hold of him is this email address: 15 minutes later Kawhi logs in, with out the webcam. The reason being is that he doesn’t own any form of technology & is calling in from his home phone.

Note 2: The meeting has started & Chris Paul begins by addressing everyone on the call. As he begins to go through the purpose and the attendees, Lebron screams TACO TUESSDAY in a pathetic attempt to gain the spotlight. Chris Paul looks at him like he’s going to eat his head and the meeting gets back on track.

Note 3: Kevin Durant forgets to switch his username on the Zoom call & accidentally displays his burner name – FuckRussFuckDraymondFuckYou7. He notices it quickly and changes it to his real account name KendrickPerkinsAveraged2&3.

Note 4: Anthony Davis looks much different. His unibrow has taken over his entire face. The ratio is now 85% unibrow to 15% face & apparently without his assistant / personal stylist he is useless. He is sitting on the side of his bed totally naked since no one told him what clothes to put on for this meeting.

Note 5: There is a weird buzzing every couple minutes – Carmelo Anthony somehow got the Zoom meeting info & continues to try and enter the meeting. CP3 has to awkwardly deny him entry from the waiting room every time.

Note 6: There appears to be a leak, as we see small bits and pieces of this meeting being released on Twitter. We still don’t know who the leak is but the username was ColeCashwell. I guess we will never know.


Note 7: It is towards the end of the meeting & playoffs is the topic. Next thing you know Damian Lillard’s screen goes blank and all you hear is a huge thud. Apparently he flung his laptop into the wall as he was done with the call. we never heard from him the rest of the time.

Note 8: Giannis hasn’t said a word the entire time – all you can see is his huge goofy smile and a small bell in the background. Still not sure why he was so distracted.

Note 9: Stephen Curry can only be seen in the background juggling a golf ball then hitting it into a hoop 75 yards away. His daughter Riley has now taken control and is using the Zoom chat as her own personal fashion show. She is the real captain of the Curry family. The camera briefly pans to the whole Curry family: Ayesha, Dell, & Sonya as they stand cheering Riley’s performance.

Note 10: As the meeting is wrapping up, Lebron asks everyone to stay a few extra minutes. He then proceeds to pull out a full list of potential Tik-Tok video ideas. They spend the next 30 minutes watching Lebron run through each one. The third idea actually gets a rise from Kawhi as we hear a rousing HAHAHA in the background. If that isn’t the stamp of approval I don’t know what is.

Overall the meeting was a huge success as everyone leaves the meeting satisfied. It was a fascinating view on the inner workings of some of the biggest stars in the NBA.

James Harden must feel some type of way about this meeting, but everyone else should feel very happy that this call took place.

This is written as a satire piece, I was obviously not involved in the call

-For Similar Content Follow Me On Twitter

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