In Defense Of Earl Thomas

Earl Thomas lit Twitter on fire with news that his wife held him at gunpoint in the middle of an orgy with his brother (shout out Charlie Buckets grandparents).

charlie buckets

I decided to take a more nuanced view of the situation & attempt to defend Mr. Thomas. Let’s take a look:

Quality Time With Family: In this day and age where families are growing farther and farther apart, its nice to see that these two siblings are still so very very close.

Giving Back To The City Of Austin: Earl Thomas alone is keeping the city of Austin afloat. He is helping small business owners (the owner of the Air BNB), helping large tech companies (Air BNB), & helping keep the unemployed Austin strippers / escorts employed. Earl is giving back to the city of Austin and is not getting the credit deserves.

Proper Social Distancing: In a time where proper social distancing is hot in the streets – Earl made sure to socially distance his escorts from his family. What a hero.

Gun Responsibility: From the reports it does not appear that Mr. Thomas was arrested – meaning he has all the proper paperwork for his legal weapon. Gun violence is not a joking matter, so it’s nice to see Mr. Thomas taking this seriously and properly registering his weapon.

Relationship Goals: The fact that Earl and his wife felt comfortable enough with each other to exchange Snapchat passwords speaks to the level of trust between these two – I am truly jealous.

Stuff Happens: I mean he said it himself, stuff happens & who are we to judge. Think about it, if you are married this could have easily been you.

In all seriousness this is a very funny story especially when there is not much coming across the wire, but this dude is a grade A scumbag and should be wildly embarrassed.

Hopefully he can get his drinking under control and mend the relationship enough that they can properly co-parent.

Now let’s sit back and see what F├╝hrer Goodell’s response will be.

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