The NFL Draft is just about the only thing that has not been taken from us as sports fans but we already know they are bound to fuck it up royally. There are going to be plenty of technical difficulties in trying to coordinate a bunch of old white men who can’t even use a Microsoft Surface to make potentially franchise altering decisions on the fly.
That’s where CamSoda steps in. Here’s the letter porn site VP Daryn Parker sent to the NFL as a pitch.
Now from the letter I can already tell CamSoda isn’t taking itself too seriously. I guess you can’t expect much from a porn company, but in all honesty it’s a pretty good pitch. No one knows video better than porn. No bells or whistles, it’s more about what’s happening in front of the screen that matters.
The first paragraph is nothing but facts. Whoever is in charge of this whole production has to be butthole clenched reading that. Backups? Confirming Internet connections? Sure Roger, that’s all in the works…There was probably a 50 person Zoom call organized after this letter was sent.
“With the NFL draft kicking off this Thursday, I wanted to reach out with an offer. Being that this year’s draft will be entirely virtual in response to the coronavirus pandemic, I would imagine that a massive IT effort to install and/or confirm reliable Internet connection, appropriate streaming equipment and backups for all NFL general managers and coaches is underway. I even heard that you’re going to be announcing the picks from your basement in Bronxville. How surreal!”
The digs at the Giants, Bengals and Browns were a little over the top but totally warranted. Low hanging fruit. Not sure it was the best idea to come after Rex. Rex Ryan definitely already pays for CamSoda and you wouldn’t want to piss off your best customer. Feels like CamSoda has to own the foot porn market. Not as mainstream.
Not that I have much, if any, experience, but I have way more faith in a random porn company’s internet streaming capabilities than I do in the NFL. I mean look at Dave Gettelman’s “war room”…
State of the #NYGiants: How Big Blue is operating remotely and thoughts on where Big Blue goes from here as NFL Draft approaches.
https://t.co/gvVgfBvJND via @northjersey @TheRecordSports pic.twitter.com/3sk2yZ2yNV
— Art Stapleton (@art_stapleton) April 14, 2020
No chance that computer even has a camera. Why is there so much lotion on the table? Photoshop skills good enough you can probably hack a GM’s bank account with that post it. This is not a man built for buffering connections or ‘connecting to computer audio’. This is all Wonderlic scores and laminated binders.
Good luck, NFL. Jerry Jones urges