What I Watched This “Weekend”

BadGalAli

Using my 48+ hours of what is still considered a weekend to consume the most quantity and quality TV available. Even pushed through and skipped the Michael Jordan documentary to be able to properly evaluate some of Netflix’s newest releases and let the people know what’s worth watching.

Outer Banks – Netflix

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After a major endorsement from Ria and a heart stopping preview clip on Netflix, I set out on a journey with a lovable but trouble group of 16 year olds. First step, figure out where the Outer Banks were (North Carolina) and then if the actors are old enough to comment on in real life.

Outer Banks is about 4 friends who are part of the lower class “Pogues”, constantly at war with the high class “Kooks”. A very Sharks and Jets/Montague and Capulet type situation.

The main character is the always kind of dirty but extremely hot John B. Not John, or perhaps JB, but a strong first name middle initial combo John B. If you have a pulse you, too, will find it hard to resist such a brooding face, flowy hair and tropical button up mixture. Note: in real life John B is played by Chase Stokes and he is 28 so we are allowed to say that.

John B is sort of a vagabond, living on his own after the disappearance of his treasure hunting dad almost a year ago. John B enlists his best friends JJ, Pope and Kie to solve his fathers mysterious disappearance and end up stumbling upon a hidden treasure hunt that unlocks a ton of secrets.

Every episode includes at least 3 violent fights and a heart racing chase scene where we wonder if the Pogues will get away this time (hint: they always do). Police in this town cannot outsmart the local high schoolers. And if there’s one thing I learned about Pogues it’s that they will fight their elders. We’ve got violence, murder, betrayal, mystery, love, car chases, boat chases, natural disasters, hit men, drug dealers, secret maps. Everything you could ask for in a good teen drama. Plus, John…B.

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Overall Grade: A. It’s exactly what we all need at a time like this. The only problem is that we only have one season to binge and I watched it in one day. The ending sets up perfectly for a season 2 though and we will form a riot if Netflix doesn’t pick it up.

Too Hot To Handle – Netflix

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Netflix has clearly learned the recipe for success on reality TV. If you ‘enjoyed’ The Circle, Love Island, Love Is Blind or any combination like that, you’ll want to watch Too Hot To Handle.

The concept is that Netflix sets up a bunch of slutty single people with limited brain cells on an island to find love, observed by a talking robot named Lana. There’s people from the US, UK and Ireland which makes things a little more complicated on the accent front and also makes long term dating quite challenging, as if that was even an option.

At the beginning of the show the audience is notified that in just 12 hours, there will be a sex ban placed on these horned up fuckboys and Insta thots. Lana, a cone shaped Alexa ripoff is watching their behavior and will likely make this announcement right as penetration is looming.

This bitch introduces herself to the group and calls a meeting to announce that there is a $100K cash prize up for grabs at the end of this, if only no one fucks or even makes out. The aforementioned horndogs lose it at the thought of not even being able to jerk off for 2 days. I would not have wanted to be a housekeeper on this show.

The catch is you CAN actually break the sex ban rule, you’ll just end up costing the group money from the pot. The penalty charge will depend on the severity of the crime. Kissing might be only a couple hundred bucks, anal might cost the whole shebang.

Like we all unified against Jessica from Love is Blind, Francesca will be Too Hot To Handle’s villain. It should be pretty clear from episode 1 that hate watching Francesca will be half of the entertainment on this one. Anyone with that much underboob is a problem.

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Overall Grade: B- I would never tell anyone to not watch it, because what else are you going to do right now? But there’s really no standout people to root for and not even a little hope that these people are actually trying to find love. I personally like a sliver of hope of reality with my reality tv.

Insecure – HBO

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Insecure is one of my favorite shows on TV. I’d prefer to binge the whole season at once like I did with season 1 & 2 but Sunday nights at 10pm I don’t care if Michael Jordan is roasting short people again, I’m watching Issa.

This season we picked back up and Issa’s new work BFF is dating her ex Lawrence. Messy Molly is up to her same shenanigans with her hot Asian bae and Issa is banging a thicc boi with some graphic sex scenes 2 episodes in.

As always, the Insecure soundtrack is a must listen.

Overall Grade: A-

The season isn’t finished yet obviously so I can’t bump it up to an official A yet. To me Issa Rae can do no wrong. I love that bitch.

Westworld – HBO

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I have never watched one episode of Westworld and understood what was going on. Part of the fun of this show is reading theories on Reddit of what the fuck is happening, who is who and what is real.

That being said it’s a fucking awesome show that has so many cool technology elements that blend like Black Mirror and Lost. This week’s episode was heavily focused on The Man in Black, who is now in white at some futuristic mental institution. At one point he murders 4 other versions of himself.

Maeve is our only hope left for a truly lovable character, and everyone is just fucking with her at this point. I have mourned Maeve so many times that I just hope at some point we get justice for Maeve. Looks like we officially lost her robot soulmate Hector, just as the two were about to wreck havoc on the ‘real’ world. Poor Maeve.

It was also deep in Charlotte Hale/Dolores aka Halores territory, which means we got a little taste of Michael Ealy again. Yum. The episode ending was phenomenal.

Overall Grade: B

I took it down a point because I still have no idea what’s going on. William is a host now right? Why does Halores care about people? Where’s Bernard? To Reddit I go…

aliweitz

 

 

 

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