Britney Spears Was Built For A Quarantine

Let’s be real, Britney Spears has been mentally and almost physically quarantined for about 10 years now. As a proud member of the #FreeBritney movement, I’m always there to send a supportive like or ‘you look great’ comment on her gym Instagram posts wearing Soffe shorts and 6 layers of eyeliner.

This time, in the midst of a climate full of national unrest and mass hysteria, Britney Spears is just absolutely loving life listening to some Justin Timberlake, twirling shoeless on an exterior deck.

First of all Brit if Tik Tok was around in 2001 you would have been the Jason Derulo of today. Fuck the Savage challenge (jk love you Meg), the Sometimes music video dance would have revolutionized the app. I can’t even blame Britney for not even bothering altogether. She doesn’t have the mental stamina for 3 social media pages. She’d rather commit to doing one really, really well than spreading herself too thin.

Just to clarify though, Britney is not really dancing. Just havin’ a lil fun jamming out to her ex boyfriend. Didn’t even tag him in it either so he’ll just find out from 3 million people tagging him in the comments. I imagine Justin and Jessica Biel watching this together in their huge mansion cashing in those Trolls checks just as you watch those videos of 12 year old fat kids hitting a wide open charity shot in a basketball game.

I appreciate that we have all agreed that the comments section of Britney’s Instagram will be a save haven of love and compassion. We love Britney just as much when she’s got a 6 pack holding a boa constrictor covered in body glitter as when she’s got her shirt strings hanging out wearing a black lace choker and pink bra straps showing. The tramp stamp transcends time though.

If anything you must say that Britney Spears looks happier than anyone I’ve seen 2 months into quarantine. People like Ellen and Sam Smith, even her ex from 20 years ago Justin Timberlake are having a rough time and Britney is thriving. As long as she has a dance floor and a pair of white shorts, Britney will be smiling.

Honestly sounds like Britney is the lucky one right now.

I’d kill to be impervious to pandemic stress, twirling along on a sunny day in my white Birkenstocks to my ex boyfriend Justin Timberlake’s music. A life well lived Brit. #FreeBritney, or maybe don’t?


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