Relationship Advice From CEO Joe

Bouncing around reddit a little bit and I saw this post pop up entitled: How do I break up with someone? That is a click every single time. Needed to hear the back story and understand why this person is asking reddit for help. Here’s the full post:

“I’m in the first relationship I’ve ever had, and I really don’t think I was ready for this. I don’t really know how to do all the things that a proper boyfriend should do, and I knew I wouldn’t know that but the problem is I don’t even want to figure it out. I feel like the biggest fucking asshole in the world for saying that, but it’s true. I don’t like my girlfriend enough. I know that the person you’re in a relationship with is supposed to be your best friend, someone you can confide in, the person you tell about everything. She is none of those things. I never really feel like I want to talk to her. And when we’re in person, despite us going out for like two months and being friends for another six months before that, it’s still unbearably awkward. I’m not saying this is at all her fault, in fact I’m sure it’s mine, but realistically I know what I should do. There’s no point in continuing, because for me I’m uncomfortable and unhappy, and if she’s not those things then I’m leading her on, which is also terrible. Essentially what I’m trying to say is; how should I explain all this to her and break up with her? More specifically, and this makes me feel even worse, how to do it over text?”

First off let me just saw this. If you’re currently dating someone and not 100% you want to be with them, you don’t. And you should probably break up with them immediately. Also this COVID-19 outbreak is a get out of jail free card like none other. You don’t have to see them for months. Rip the band aid off and by the time all this is over no one is even going to remember you two were together.

The other thing here that is a little upsetting is that they’ve been together for only two months. TWO MONTHS?? You’re looking for help after 8 weeks is insane. Just tell her it’s over. Do you even like her yet? But fine, you’re a nice guy I get it, than go the ghosting route. Stop all communication. Don’t answer her calls or her texts. That should send a very clear message. You’re either not interested or dead on the Rona. Either way you’re home free.

But just to play devil’s advocate, let’s say you don’t have the heart for that and need to craft the perfect break up text. Let me help you with that:

“Hey, how about this coronavirus, crazy amirite?? Any who, been doing a lot of thinking with all this extra time and I just wanted to throw this out there. What if we didn’t do the whole relationship thing anymore? I know we’ve created so many awesome memories over the last two months and I will cherish those for the rest of my life. But I think our lives are just going in two separate directions. You and I have grown so much from February to April and I feel like it’s best if we just remain friends. Also I think I have COVID so I’m going to do extra quarantine when this is over. Hate to have you worry about me. You were the love of my late winter/early spring. I’ll never forget you.”

*Deletes phone number*

There. Hit copy and paste and you’ll be set.

You’re welcome.

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