March 27th is National Joe Day. One of the most important days of the year. Christmas, MLK Day, New Years and National Joe Day. We have to honor the greats and appreciate the gifts that god has given us. Joe isn’t just a name, it’s a way of life. I’ve been blessed and cursed with the name that carries so much weight and responsibility. Decided to shout out and power rank the greatest Joes f all time. Here we go.
10. Joe Namath: Hall of fame quarterback and actor. Was the man back in the day. Only reason he isn’t higher is because he gives off a very creepy old man vibe.
9. Joe Burrow: Kid just finished the greatest college football season of all time. He’s trying to avoid going to Cincinnati at all costs. Smart move from the young fella. This was a future pick. Joe Burrow will be a monster in the NFL so he needed to be added to this seeing as he will be one of the greats one day.
8. Joey Fatone: Nothing like the smooth sounds of N’Sync to get you through a pandemic. And who was the most critical member of N’Sync? Joey. Justin was a show off look at me guy. Always stealing the spotlight from the other members. Couldn’t be Joey. No Fatone is a giver. Held that group together as long as he could. Rumor has it, it was Joey’s looks that turned Lance.
7. Joe Rogan: The guy is the king of the podcast and the face of the UFC. You’ve heard of five tool player. Rogan is like a 8 tool player. What can’t he do.
6. Joe Exotic: I mean….he’s the king of tigers. How do you not put this guy on the power rankings. He has literally taken over the world right now. During all your virtual work happy hours everyone is going to be talking Tiger King, as they should. Exotic has done a lot for the name Joe recently, some good, most bad but listen, we’ll take it.
5. Joe Pesci: The greatest gangster movie actor of all time. His IMDB is basically just a list of all the highest rated movies ever made. His average rotten tomato score is probably a 99%. Thank you for your service Joe.
4. Saint Joseph: Not really much to say here. The guy was Jesus’ adopted dad. Think about it. Without a strong father figure in his life, does Jesus die for our sins? What if Jesus was raised by like a Derrick? Derrick is a self centered asshole. No way he does any good for mankind. We praise Jesus for dying for our sins but you have to wonder. Is it really Joseph we owe all the thanks?
3. Joe Montana: Greatest football player of all time*. Nothing more american than a man named Joe slinging the pigskin around. With nicknames like “Cool Joe” and “the Comeback Kid” how do you not become a living legend.
*He’s the greatest football player of all time until Brady retires. Than we can have a conversation.
2. Joe DiMaggio: The man holds a record in baseball that will never be broken. He dated Marilyn Monroe, was a 3 time MVP and won 9 World Series rings. Side note too, dating Monroe when you’re not the best looking guy in the world is impressive. Surprising too because all Joes are typically insanely handsome. Of course there is going to be a few bruises on the peaches every now and then. He is one of the greatest baseball players that ever lived and a top 2 Joe of all time.
1. Joe Pop, aka Me: This was tough. When weighing the greatness of myself next to DiMaggio and Montana, what becomes the deciding factor. Yes we’ve had our athletic achievements. Still hold a 4 x 800 record at Sun Valley High School, no big deal. We’re all good looking fellas that pull nothing but beautiful women. But here’s the difference, I’m humble enough to honor all the Joes. Never once, check the record, has Joe DiMaggio ever said anything nice about me. Same goes for Montana, Pecsi and so on. Besides that we’re all basically the same. So everyone, text a Joe you know and say something nice to them. Today is their day, don’t be selfish.