Florida or China? Spring Breakers Won’t Leave The Beaches Amid Pandemic


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We’re back with another edition of Florida or China? America’s favorite game show where we test the limits of two of the world’s biggest wastelands. This time, we take it to the beaches as college kids think social distancing is as believable as the Instagram influencers on the Bachelor are really looking for love.

The Coronavirus is running rampant on the world and Millenials don’t give a fuck. Can you blame the young though? They spent $600 on a condo deposit they split with their frat brothers. Took supplements direct from a Chinese black market to shred their physique for the Instagram collage they’re producing with the caption “Spring Breakin’ with the Boys” #withtheboyz #bros4life #room302 #tkes

You think they’re going to miss the potential time of their life before they sit in a cube for the next 40 years? A simple pandemic where the world is asking everyone to stay indoors can’t stop them when there is human centipede chugs, Senor Frogs wet t-shirt contests, and clubs playing Martin Garrix to roll at Look at how all the dumbest people ever created somehow ended up on the same beach together.


Few pictures are leaking out of the secret parties down in Florida.

You can see an unidentified woman being lifted up in what looks like some type of sacrificial ritual to the Corona.




Here we have beachgoers on the Mainland chugging 6 feet beer bongs to practice social distancing.




Citizens of the mainland play the international game of Spikeball.



I know what you’re saying. “Kyle, the blue of the water screams Florida.”  “There’s an American flag in the second photo.” “I’ve never seen a black Chinamen.”

All valid answers, but luckily our crack team of Chinese interns were able to superimpose the above photos.

Doesn’t seem so democracy friendly now when you ask me.

china spring break


The answer doesn’t get much easier when you see the Prophets of pixelated porn left no penis un-blurred.



These Warriors of Wuhan are fighting to the death for the sake of their brothers in PRC to get the first vaccine to cure the Coronavirus.




This game just got tougher then your grandmother trying to breathe on her ventilator at Merion Mercy. But, this is where we separate the men from the boys. Forbidden City vs Panama City. DRC vs. SEC. Han Dynasty vs. Tebow’s Dynasty. Now’s the time we’ve all been waiting for. Is it Mainland China or Mainland Florida? Vote 1 star for “Florida” and 5 stars for “China” below.


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