ESPN2 Will Become ESPN8: The Ocho For 24 Hours On Sunday





The Coronavirus will make things happen that you never thought was possible. ESPN2 will become ESPN8: The Ocho for 24 hours on Sunday. We’re talking Robot Fighting, Marble Racing, Cherry Spit Spitting, & Death Diving. Sign. Me. Up! Can we bet on this stuff or is it all pre-recorded? I’d really like to bet on it. (Fuck I just found out it’s pre-recorded.)

Remember the marble racing video that went viral last week? People were looking for any competition to root for. Just to feel that blood rush back to your dick. Like you’re in the lions den with other gladiators, but instead they’re melted down glass & clay. By the end of the video I was shouting for Comet to step on Pollo Loco’s throat and crush him.



Here is a full list of the schedule for Sunday. Unfortunately, it looks like this is all sports from the summer of 2019, which really takes the wind out of my sails. But, I’ll take anything honestly.


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Sign me up for the stone skipping competition. I can skip a nice stone. Ever get a nice 8 skip on the pond? No? Can’t relate.


I have my eyes on Slippery stairs at 8pm. That sounds like one of those Japanese game shows that have terribly dubbed over English voiceover.



My only gripe is that they didn’t bring back the Pizza Spinning competition. The Sign spinning competition is an appetizer, but come on. Look at the pizza spinning guy! Dudes break dancing while they’re making a Margherita pie? That’s what separates the men from the boys in the Dough Game. That’s what put’s your local shop over Papa Johns or Dominos. When I order from my local shop I want pizzaz, shock, and awe. At Papa Johns or Domino’s I just want my pizza to not have glass in it.



The most exciting Ocho events I’m looking forward too:

  • 2019 Golden Tee World Championship (I hope it’s played in a dive bar)
  • USA vs. Canada Dodgeball (I need something to get patriotic about)
  • Dodge Juggle 3 (Don’t even know what that is, but you have my ear)
  • 2006 Brat eating & Hamburger eating competition (self-explanatory)
  • European TramDriver Championship


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