The biggest news of the Coronavirus quarantine yet! You think a pandemic can stop Amanda Bynes from taking the shine? You must forget 2013 where there was a straight two weeks Amanda Bynes DOMINATED the Internet. Amanda Bynes’ boyfriend posted a now deleted photo of an ultrasound on his Instagram that the couple was pregnant. God I hope this isn’t true because if Amanda Bynes brings a kid into this world it just may well be the end of civilization. This is Amanda Bynes currently:
She looks like if your little sister took a Sharpie and drew a heart on her discount-brand Cabbage Patch doll. The two people in the photo above definitely smell like cigarettes and Slim Jims and supposedly they’ve been engaged on again and off again for the last couple of months. Then Amanda Bynes had to go to rehab and her boyfriend provided an all-time update to Page Six the other day “She’s doing really well, besides anxiety and trauma.”
Hey Bro, you kind of buried the lead there, no? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure anxiety isn’t the first step towards being “great” and trauma definitely doesn’t follow it up. These two are fucking looney tunes. Something tells me Amanda Bynes has the greatest taste in men. But neither does this dude. Did he block out 2013 from his brain?
That’s why I need the Coronavirus to provide the first good news since it washed ashore on U.S. soil and take out this baby. I can’t have the spawn of Satan being born into 2020, it’s already sucked enough in the first three months. There’s a good chance this baby comes out in Fall and finds a way to ruin football season. I mean look at this ultra sound..
That triangle outline is the shape of the Devil’s skull. And that second circle is where the baby’s heart would typically be. Notice it’s not there. It’s a hole. If you can’t see that this baby is going to bring the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse I don’t know what to tell you. Girl Andy Milonakis and less successful sock businessman Rob Kardashian are not allowed to have a baby together. This could end everything. Coronavirus, I haven’t asked for much but please take Amanda Bynes kid or her, or both. Sacrifice both for some 80 year old you were going to take instead. Come back for the 80 year old, I don’t care, just don’t let this Devil Seed be born.
This seems like a cry for help if you asked me.