What To Watch Without Any Sports

There are literally no more sports left to cancel at this point. Today they took away golf!! And from what Eddie has told us about esports, these nerds actually meet up to play their games so all of that has been canceled too.

For many people this presents a huge opportunity to fire up the TV machine and lose a couple (thousand) brain cells. For a selective few this is an average Tuesday night. I have willingly scoured the Australian section of Netflix for this moment; to give you a few recommendations on the most addictive television to watch while self-quarantining from coronavirus. A normal thing in 2020.

Note: I am going with the assumption everyone has watched Love Is Blind. If you haven’t you’ll probably stop reading here.

  1. Instant Hotel – Perhaps my introduction to the Australian reality TV segment of Netflix, Instant Hotel is one of those shows you wish had 12 seasons available to binge immediately. 4-5 pairs of people face off visiting each others Australian AirBnb’s and rate them based on accommodations, activities, and nights sleep to see who gets the highest collective score. Judging by the people in the picture, there is often quite the paradox between what each group views as luxury. There are underground dirt tunnels, fancy beach bungalows and someone’s random rich parents house with 4 cats you have to feed. Turns out, Australians are just as petty as Americans. There are two seasons on Netflix. Run, don’t walk to watch Instant Hotel.Screenshot-2019-07-09-at-14.37.21
  2. Dating Around – People that are in relationships imagine how bad the dating world and actually going on dates is. Dating Around highlights how it’s 10x worse than you can even imagine. One person goes on the exact same date with 5 different people and then picks their favorite at the end for a second date. More than anything it sparks a laundry list of questions. Does the main dater order the same meal every time? What does the wait staff think? There are boring hot dumb couples, gay couples, old couples and you guessed it, fuckboys. It’s what happens when reality TV gets Netflix’s editing budget.587854c8e6e1aa04a0a72354a0f26351
  3. My Hotter Half – This show is straightforward ridiculous. I started watching it as background noise for falling asleep, and then I ended up staying up until 3am watching 14 straight episodes. Pictures of couples are shown to random strangers on the street to see if they ‘would’ or not. Whoever has the highest percentage yes *wins* and the loser gets a makeover. Then they re-vote and see who is more fuckable this time around. HotterHalf-PreHypeBeast
  4. Safe – The guy from Dexter has a weird accent in this British thriller show trying to figure out whathappens when his daughter and her boyfriend disappear after a house party. There’s a ton of cliffhangers and it’s not an obvious ending, which is really all you need for a good quaran-TV.  250px-Safe_(TV_series)_poster
  5. Stay Here – HGTV meets Airbnb meets Netflix. Interior designer Genevieve Gorder (who you will recognize from the OG Trading Spaces) renovates struggling short term rentals to make people more money. Plus you can actually go on Airbnb and find the listings, book them if you are so inclined. d4f05b7a8dd62382cf38cc44e4d5f6c5
  6. In The Dark – A hot blind girl with a boy name, Murphy, is technically a witness to the murder of her best friend who is a teenage semi drug dealer she meets in a dark alleyway. She is a borderline alcoholic who is trying to solve a murder mystery without the use of her eyes. It’s a real shame too because her love interest Max may be the hottest guy in the history of men and she can’t even see him. To add to the allure, she has an adorable guide dog Pretzel who is even cuter than Max.In-the-Dark-cast-Murphy-1812250MV5BYjFlN2I3NjktYTFjZS00ZTg4LTgwM2ItOGI4MDVjZjgxYTBmXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMTYzMjc4MzY@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,776,1000_AL_
  7. Back with the Ex – Another Australian masterpiece with such a messy premise for a show. Couples reunite with recent and very old exes to decide if they should get back together. One couple is reuniting after 28 years, and we also meet an Australian Jax Taylor. These people are all a mess that should not get back together, just like any good reality TV couple. AAAABVJZYSM073RQDchTFVpCnLo0tAI7HeU04qOgmp5hskOYwvzzu7Iv41mRAxhY353WFuC_yM_uOYbrJAy6wWSBH9KzBzsMPYSGDcEfRT_v6kHE_o45hrC1
  8. The Stranger – Another show by the same guy who made the aforementioned Safe, The Stranger has so many twists and turns you’ll start to feel like the Always Sunny Charlie meme trying to figure out what the fuck actually happened. A hot girl dressed like Joe Goldberg stalks people and then tells them a huge secret, usually in exchange for money. There’s a fake pregnancy and a sudden disappearance. Also, a llama is brutally murdered in the first 5 minutes. Sold yet? What-happens-at-the-end-of-The-Stranger-1238821
  9. I Think You Should Leave – Sketch comedy shows aren’t for everyone. But I Think You Should Leave is different. It’s actually impossible to watch 30 seconds without laughing. There’s not a weak episode–Tim Robinson is beyond genius. I would like to stop being the “you know that ITYSL skit where…” girl without everyone knowing what I’m talking about. dims
  10. Lunatics – I will not take any disrespect to Chris Lilley’s name. Probably my favorite comedian of all time, any character he creates is so unique and so complex. While I’m still waiting on Mr. G’s spinoff show, characters like Jana the animal whisperer in love with her personal assistant, Quentin Cook aka DJ Qunt who comes from a long lineage of real estate agents known for their huge asses, Keith Dick a clothing designer in love with a cash register, and Becky, a 7 ft tall college freshman Youtube star.


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