The Bachelor Finale Was Truly The Most Dramatic Episode Of All Time

BadGalAli

We can all agree that Peter was the absolute worst choice for Bachelor separate from having Brad Womack for a 3rd time. You all started this season so excited, so hopeful that cute little Pilot Pete was just a lovable Bachelor destined to find his soulmate in 2 months on reality TV. Boy were you wrong.

The girls were awful enough this season that ABC legitimately could not find one tolerable one to lead the Bachelorette. But let’s not get confused, this season of the Bachelor was a complete shitshow because of windmill sex havin, overall horny guy Pilot Pete.

At every turn he made the worst decision possible. Keeping Victoria F around for 6 episodes too long. Hitting his head on the side of a golf cart and getting a permanent scar that was visible on his face for the entirety of the season. Proposing to Hannah Ann without telling her Madison left on her own and then not talking to her for a month is right up there with the best of them.

But if it took Peter and Hannah Ann’s fake engagement to give us the most riveting, edge of your seat level television in the history of Bachelor live After the Final Rose, so be it. I’ve watched enough seasons of this show to know who Brad Womack even is without having to Google it. I saw Trista and Ryan’s ATFR, Jake and Vienna’s epic interrupting meltdown…but nothing compares to the dual performance of ABC producers and Barb on this seasons finale.

When a certifiable superstar like Barb falls into your lap though, you have to squeeze that electricity til the last drop. We had a live Barb cam for Barb reaction shots to every scene in a little box in the corner of the screen. Chris Harrison asked her opinion about everything from her feelings on Madison and Hannah Ann to the suit Peter wore to the final rose ceremony. No one cared if we wanted Barb’s opinion on anything, we were getting it anyways.

Barb spent her entire 15 minutes of fame terrorizing Madison. It might have been awkward for anyone involved, but for us regular viewers at home it was revolutionary. I don’t care if you love her or love to hate her, Barb blessed us with some old fashioned overprotective psychopath mother vibes and that’s what good reality TV is all about.

From calling Madison out for making them wait 3 hours to whispering in Spanish under her breath for her husband to pile it on, Barb carried this show effortlessly. If she hadn’t already found that poor sucker to crawl into her asshole and take commands, I’d say she’d be an excellent choice for the Bachelorette. They were casting for a senior citizen Bachelor earlier this season.

Barb’s shining moment of the night came when she said Peter was going to have to fail to succeed and that all his friends know his relationship with Madison is not going to work. It was pure pettiness and pageantry at the same time. This woman doesn’t need any coaching from producers or lauding from Chris Harrison, she’s a stone cold stunner.

Whether you are Team Barb or Team Madison, one fact remains. Madison is definitely not into Peter like Peter is into her. Their relationship is not going to work because she seems utterly bored by Peter’s presence on top of her forehead. If we had to hear about how much “love in her heart” she has for Peter one more time I might have vomited. Are you in love with Peter or do you have love inside of your heart? That doesn’t even make any sense.

If she had said one time that she genuinely cares about Peter and wants to be in a relationship with him Barb might have retreated. But she smelled weakness in Madison’s exaggerated eyelashes and silver sequins. Like a shark smelling blood in the water.

An aside: There’s not enough words to verbalize my passion for Hannah Ann after this episode. The only one we can all universally agree on after the final rose, who would have thought. If I could have a word with Bachelor producers to make a change and give Hannah Ann the Bachelorette after her performance during this episode, I’d do it. Certified bad bitch. She lobbed it up for Barb to slam it down. Between those two Peter is a shell of the man he started the season as. Went from being the windmill sex guy to the bodied by Hannah Ann guy, what a fall from grace.

People who are saying they wasted an entire season for that ending need to be excommunicated from society. That was the best possible outcome bringing us truly the most dramatic finale episode the Bachelor world has ever seen. You want to see a happy couple in love re-watching their romantic proposal?? Grow up. You deserve to be chewed out by Hannah Ann.

aliweitz

 

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