I Am Not The Least Bit Scared Of The Coronavirus




Follow @BrandedKyle


Everyone is freaking out about the Coronavirus now that it’s washed ashore on mainland Pennsylvania. We’ve got one confirmed case in Delaware County and one now in Wayne County. Bucks County closed down five Central Bucks schools because someone might’ve come in contact with a person that had it, and everyone is losing their minds they’re next. I’ll tell you something I don’t care if you tell me Coronavirus is on my doorstep. I’ll  say ‘Good Morning’ and continue on with my day. 2.5 cases? 2.5 cases and we’re supposed to be freaking out about a stronger form of the sniffles? If you’re freaking out about Coronavirus you’re a sheep. That’s exactly what the News wants you to do. Go buy all the Purrell stay in your bubble. More air for me.

Listen, this is a case study about separating the idiots from the people who actually think with a brain. We just passed 100,000 cases worldwide of Coronavirus. To put that into perspective we’ve had 3,300 deaths from the Coronavirus worldwide while 55k have recovered. Coronavirus’ shooting percentage equates to Norvelle Pelle from the field. The flu has already killed between 20k-52k this year according to the CDC. 52k! And we have a cure for the flu. So you want me to sit here and freak out about a measly little disease like Coronavirus that 14 people got because they forgot to wash their hands after taking a shit? No thanks. I’ll continue to wash my hands because I’m a civilized member of society, but I’m not wearing a mask. My Uber driver had a mask on last night. I wanted to cough over him. Yea no chance you get the virus now bro. No one’s getting through your mask made of thin fabric bud. 

I mean look at this serious ass press conference the Governor of PA had. Relax dude. It’s three cases. No need to have the sign language chick just dab all over the Coronavirus. Don’t want to piss it off and then it really starts to get going.



Look at this lady. If I’m ever in an emergency situation with her I might as well kill myself. The sheer look of horror on her face. You would think she’s solely responsible for contaminating everyone with Coronavirus like she’s Patient 0. Relax hunny. Breathe for me one time. You’re supposed to be the face of re-assurance and you’re doing a terrible job.


Screen Shot 2020-03-06 at 1.27.20 PM


How about the same lady releasing the Emergency Home Kit so we can prepare immediately!


Flashlight & Batteries: I mean I’m not a poor. I have lights in my house.  Is the Coronavirus going to cut the power from my house? That seems like one of the first thing’s I should’ve been told.

Baby Supplies: Don’t have a baby? Well get some supplies anyway. The Coronavirus hates Apple Kale Fig and Banana Mango flavors Gerber Baby Flavors.

Warm Clothing: It’s going to be 68 Monday. No such thing as too warm.

Non-Perishable Food: Is the Coronavirus knocking out the grid or declaring Nuclear war? Wtf is going on here?

Pet Supplies: (see baby supplies)


Clean it up PA. We’re embarassing ourselves. We’ve defeated Ebola, Swine, and Bird Flu which had worst effects in one pinky then the Corona has. Call me when the side effects are shitting my organs out of my butt. Then maybe I’ll give Corona a second thought.

0 0 votes
Article Rating

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments