This Guy Is Trying To Cancel Cars On Chestnut Street

cancel cars


Cars aren’t even safe from being canceled. Car Canceler Jeff Stern started a petition that has almost 500 signatures to cancel cars from traveling down Chestnut Street this summer, similar to when the Pope came to the city a couple years back. Chestnut street is home to the World’s Largest Five Below and that crazy guy who sits outside Liberty Place and yells at people to give him money on 17th. This petition has bike people written all over it. Bikers are the biggest self righteous assholes the planet has ever seen.


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For dudes who constantly break traffic rules, but want cars to follow every rule for their protection it’s absolutely ridiculous how much they bitch and complain. I’m not even totally against this proposal. When the Pope came to town it was awesome walking around in the street with no care in the world and no traffic. But if you shut down one of the busiest roads in the city the cars have to go somewhere else. That’s science.

I love how the guy cites San Francisco as a litmus test for how it can work here. San Francisco has bums openly shitting in the streets. I think they have more problems then cars driving around. Have you ever been to San Francisco? No one is riding their bikes anywhere in that city. The damn city was basically built on one giant mountain. I don’t care if you’re fucking Lance Armstrong, I think it’s physically impossible for bikers to climb those hills.


Listen Chestnut Street west of Broad is continuously a nightmare no matter what time of day it is. I remember this hole on 18th street from a couple years ago. It took the city MONTHS to fix. I’m pretty sure homeless people were sleeping in it at one point. I was expecting a sinkhole to form and the entire city of Philadelphia would be sucked down with it. Also 3:30 of this guy narrating cars falling into the abyss was surprisingly funnier than I expected.




This is the only thing I agree with on this petition. You give me an alliteration you at least have grasped 15% of my attention span.



Let’s go to the comments to get a real pulse check of the common Philadelphia citizen’s thought on this potential movement.




Thank you for your service Sandy letting everyone know you do in fact have eyeballs to witness the traffic problem there.




John and Timothy seem like really fun guys. Probably both wear a satchel and have participated in Kombucha cleanses. They’ve definitely flipped off their fair share of Uber drivers in Toyota Camry’s and believe capitalism is right up there with terrorism. They definitely live in West Philly around Clark Park because they couldn’t afford their Port Richmond studio they shared anymore because the “Scumbag Capitalist Developer Pigs” came and built new construction and drove up the rent.



Kevin Bacon’s less successful brother just wishes the entirety of Philadelphia looked like the Tour de France every single day. He’s hoping people will be walking everywhere like a bunch of poor’s. As a race-walking world record holder I understand the love for walking, but if you’ve been down to Times Square you know people all walking in the same place is absolutely god-awful.




Crushed it Lori.

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