NBA Believes Matisse Thybulle is Too Good To Put In the Rising Stars Game

A Rising Star is what they call new employees at Cracker Barrel. It is well beneath the talent and perfection of someone like Matisse Thybulle. That’s why I was happy to learn the NBA was wise enough to not waste anyone’s time and energy, by inviting Matisse to this meaningless All-Star Game appetizer. When the Rising Star challenge kicks off All Star Weekend in Chicago tonight, Matisse Thybulle will be on vacation. Or in a gym somewhere, working on new ways to lock down victims.

No, Matisse has higher aspirations than playing a scrimmage with a 20 year old who has a receding hairline or the 3rd best player on Duke last year. Thybulle, who has a full head of hair, will take a break from locking up *checks notes* EVERY ALL STAR GUARD for President’s Day weekend so he can be fresh for the playoff stretch.

See when you’re as flawless as Matisse Thybulle, your goals are not playing in Rookie games. Those goals are to make NBA First Team All Defense and then probably replace William Penn on the top of City Hall (for starters).

Thybulle’s agent had this to say on the matter:


Yeah, screw those ASSistant coaches! Do you get it? Like ass? Get it, ASSistant. You’d get it if you were in 3rd grade.

Regardless if you are an ASSistant coach or just a common man interested in basketball, Matisse Thybulle is a sight to behold. He just won’t be beheld in the fourth most interesting event of All-Star Weekend.

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