I Need This Video Of A Fatty Eating Shit Made Into A Dramatic Movie By The 2021 Oscars


Move over Bong Joon Ho we’ve got another THRILLER coming to play! Choo-Choo!!!! You’re lucky no one got this script in time to develop it or Parasite would’ve been runner-up all night. There would’ve been NO BEERS FOR YOU!

I didn’t know what to expect when I first saw this, but holy shit did it not disappoint. The drama of Big Red going “Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum” in slow motion was almost to much to handle. I’ve watched this 100x already crying at how absurd this whole situation is. Who plays cricket indoors? Who plays cricket in chinos and your best polo? Those stomps in his Hush Puppies will haunt my dreams forever! The half ass effort of his buddy trying to push him out of the way to impending doom is next level! Hey guy you weren’t trying to stop Usain Bolt after a 100 yard dash. Maybe use that paddle you typically reserve for the pledges to stop your bowler (cricket term for pitcher #culture). I need a sequel to this because the aftermath has to be just as good as he’s getting rushed to the hospital with CTE and a piece of the bench protruding from his dome.

God bless the fucking Internet! I could French you, you wonderful cosmic form of virtual reality!

P.S. This kid is one of the sneaky fast fat ones. I can just tell. I’m afraid my 100 Meter dash racewalking record may be in jeopardy if this kid doesn’t have brain damage. I think I’m rooting for brain damage. That’s the competitor in me speaking.

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